Here’s What Airbnb Reviews Would Look Like for Fictional Places
Just be glad the Three Little Pigs aren't your Airbnb host.
The Red Keep
King’s Landing, Westeros
Hostess: Queen Cersei Lannister
Ashley: We came to King’s Landing because we’d heard something about a Game of Thrones, and my husband and I are competition addicts.
Marc: If you can get past the beheadings, poisonings, pillaging, and spotty Wi-Fi, then this is a fun place. I swear, after every battle, the wine flows and people make out. So much better than the Sandals Resort in Jamaica!
Jody: Queen Lannister was quite accommodating, loading us with pelts for our bed and booking us on adventure tours. I’d never laid siege to a city before! When I get home, I’m going to gather my Zumba class and see whether we can invade Dayton!
Clayton County, Georgia
Hostess: Scarlett O’Hara
Elizabeth: On our very first morning, the proprietress, a Miss Scarlett, barged into our room, ripped down the curtains, and said, “I’m going to a party, and I need a dress.” With the sun streaming in through the windows, we didn’t get much sleep after that.
Dean: The next morning, Miss Scarlett ripped the comforter off our bed, yelling, “I’m getting married! I need a wedding dress!” Honestly! I yelled out to her, “What are you going to take tomorrow?!” She shrugged and said, “Tomorrow is another day.” Well, not for us. We packed our bags and found a lovely room over at the Wilkeses’, not far away.
Hay, stick, and brick houses
Third Pigsty on the Right
Hosts: The Three Little Pigs
Louis: Every morning we awoke to the same racket—their neighbor shouting, “Little pig, little pig, let me come in.” One of the pigs would yell back something about chinny chin chins, and the next thing we knew, the whole house came down around us, which was very embarrassing because I sleep in my underwear.
Tim: I’m deathly allergic to hay, so as far as I’m concerned, the wolf did me a favor blowing down the house.
Response From Hosts: Louis, Tim, please know we’ve patched things up with our neighbor, Mr. Wolf. We’d like to invite you back to enjoy a complimentary bowl of slop as well as a free night in our brand-new underground cement-and-steel-fortified bunker. We think you’ll find it even more durable than our brick design.
301 Cobblestone Way
Town of Bedrock
Hosts: Fred and Wilma Flintstone
Mitchell: I was so tired by the end of a busy day in Bedrock that I fell asleep the instant my head hit the pillow. That’s because my pillow was made of schist and I was knocked unconscious. When my alarm clock tapped me on the shoulder eight hours later and told me—rather rudely, I thought—to wake up, I marched into Mr. Flintstone’s kitchen and demanded a new pillow. Mr. Flintstone offered me a marble pillow from the Martha Stewart Home Collection, which I refused.
Ned: I applaud the Flintstones for being environmentally aware. They own a hybrid car powered by both right and left feet.
Ruth: I am so buying a woolly mammoth dishwasher!
Next, check out these wacky places you can actually rent on Airbnb.