50 Cow Jokes That Will Make You Spit Up Your Milk

These farm animals are quite the cowmedians.

Who doesn’t love a good farm animal joke? Cows are hilarious, adorable, and even have their own best friends! Whether you’re a parent looking to make a child laugh while learning animal sounds or just a dad who’s looking to add some new cheesy (or should we say milky) content to the repertoire, these cow jokes and cow puns are sure to get a universal laugh. Lucky for you, we have jokes for all the best animals, including bird jokes, duck jokes, horse jokes, why did the chicken cross the road jokes, and even some pig puns that will make you squeal with laughter.

I got the mooves like Jagger!rd.com, Getty Images

Cow puns

Think you’ve herd them all? Cows are pretty funny and it would be a total shame if we didn’t milk them for all they’re worth. There are just too many play-on-words not to have a bunch of cow puns at your disposal at the next event—hopefully on a farm. At the least, you’ll have a new-found appreciation for these incredible animals.

1. Watch out, you don’t want to butcher any of these jokes.

2. The steaks are high.

3. I have some real beef with that guy.

4. I got the mooves like Jagger.

5. Make sure you show up on time, otherwise Bessie will have a cow.

6. Milk it for all it’s worth.

7. I am not amoosed.

8. And then I told my therapist that I feel seen, but not herd…

9. I am udderly in love with you!

10. Not as mooch as I love you.

RELATED: Horse puns that will make you whinny

11. I always found cowculus to be the most interesting subject.

12. The cow was so excited for the day ahead that he was over the moon.

13. An udder day, an udder dollar.

14. Seize the moo-ment!

15. Holy cow!

16. Steer clear! Cows coming through!

17. Move! Get out of the hay!

18. If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you probably have deja-moo.

19. Cow bells make such beautiful moosic.

20. A cow in an earthquake is called a milkshake.

RELATED: Animal memes you can’t help but laugh at

21. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime!rd.com, Getty Images

Cow jokes for kids

Cows are pretty legen-dairy so of course, there’s an abundance of clever jokes that will make your child giggle about how funny these farm animals really are. You may even find yourself suppressing a laugh at these cow jokes for kids. Get your children to appreciate where their ice cream really comes from by making them love cows just as much as we do.

21. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?

It’s pasture bedtime!

22. Why did the two cows not like each other?

They had beef.

23. How do you count cows?

With a cowculator!

24. What happens when you try talking to a cow?

Everything just goes in one ear and out the udder.

25. Where do cows eat lunch?

In the calfeteria.

26. What did one dairy cow say to the other?

Got milk?

27. What do you call a sad cow?


28. What do you call a cow that can’t make milk?

A milk dud.

29. How do you make a cow be quiet?

Press the moo-te button.

30. What do cows read in the morning?

The moos-paper!

RELATED: Chicken puns

31. How did the farmer find the missing cow?

He tractor down.

32. How do you know which cow is the best dancer?

See which one has the best moo-ves.

33. What does the cow band play?


34. Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side!

35. What does the farmer talk about while milking a cow?

Udder nonsense.

36. What do you call a cow jumping on a trampoline?

A milkshake.

37. Where do cows get all their medicine?

The farmacy!

38. How did the cow get to the moon?

It went to udder space.

39. Why did the cow jump over the moon?

To get to the Milky Way.

40. What do you call it when one cow spies on another cow?

A steak-out.

RELATED: Dog Jokes for Kids

41. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

42. What do you get if you cross a cow and rooster?

Roost beef.

43. What kind of shows do cows like best?


44. What happens when a cow laughs?

Milk comes out of its nose.

45. What has the lone cow been up to lately?

Nobody’s herd…

46. How do dairy farmers do their taxes?

They go to an accountant.

49. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cow. Cow who? Cow much longer will you put up with all this knocking?rd.com, Getty Images

Cow knock knock jokes

Get ready to be amoosed. Everyone loves a playful knock-knock joke, but these cow knock-knock jokes are udderly hysterical. Who knows, they may even inspire some of your own to get everybody laughing. But we promise if you start with these, you’ll definitely get a few chuckles.

47. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No, silly, cows go moo!

RELATED: Bear puns

48. Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Cow who?

Cow-a-bunga, dude!

49. Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Cow who?

Cow much longer will you put up with all this knocking?

50. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh-


Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.

Emma Taubenfeld
Emma Taubenfeld is a former assistant editor for Reader’s Digest who writes about digital lifestyle topics such as memes, social media captions, pickup lines and cute pets. When she’s not working, you can find Emma reading corny young adult novels, creating carefully curated playlists and figuring out how to spice up boxed mac and cheese.