130 Halloween Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone
Updated: Oct. 31, 2023
Need to tickle a skeleton's funny bone? Try one of these Halloween jokes.
Halloween might primarily be a scary holiday, but that doesn’t mean it’s not also pretty darn funny. While you’re coming up with the best ideas for Halloween costumes, get a laugh (and maybe some inspiration!) from these silly Halloween jokes, which poke fun at your favorite ghosts and ghouls. They’re not so scary when you can laugh at them, right?
Get Reader’s Digest’s Read Up newsletter for more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long.
Funny Halloween jokes
Q: What’s a ghoul’s favorite drink?
A: Anything with boos.
Q: What are a monster’s favorite pets?
A: Creepy crawlies.
Q: What did people say when the Headless Horseman started dating a zombie?
A: He’s lost his head!
Q: What is a mummy’s favorite sandwich?
A: A head cheese wrap.
Q: What’s in a ghost’s nose?
A: Boo-gers.
Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!
Q: What do ghosts use to do their makeup?
A: Vanishing cream.
Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
A: Spook-hetti!
Q: What did the mommy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: “Spook when you’re spooken to.”
Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurry?
A: Spooktacles.
Q: Why do female ghosts go on a diet?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figure.
Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A: Mali-boo.
Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them.
Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Sham-boo!
Q: What’s a monster’s favorite show?
A: Romeo and Ghouliet.
Q: What’s a mummy’s favorite way to relax?
A: Solving cryptograms.
Staying in on the big night this year? Cue up one of these Halloween movies for spooktacular chills and thrills.
Halloween dad jokes
Q: What do you get when you put a spider on an ear of corn?
A: A cobweb.
Q: What do you call a spider with 20 eyes?
A: A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider.
Q: The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it and the user does not see it. What is it?
A: A coffin.
Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.
Q: What is a pause in work at a mortuary called?
A: A coffin break.
Q: What kind of monster loves to disco?
A: The boogieman.
Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?
A: He was already stuffed.
Q: Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts.
Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.
Q: Are any Halloween monsters good at math?
A: No—unless you Count Dracula!
Q: How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.
Q: Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten.
Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there.
Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap!
Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
A: The Dead Sea.
Q: Why are zombies so hard to understand?
A: They’re very crypt-ic.
Dad jokes are always funny, and they pair perfectly with Halloween jokes for kids!
Halloween jokes for kids
Q: Why did the vampire fail art?
A: He only knew how to draw blood.
Q: On which street did the zombie buy a home?
A: The one with the dead end.
Q: What does a zombie call his parents?
A: Mummy and Deady.
Q: Why is Christmas a mummy’s favorite holiday?
A: He gets to do all the wrapping.
Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
A: Prank-enstein!
Q: How do ghosts get their hair to stay in place?
A: They use scare-spray.
Q: Why do vampires have a hard time making friends?
A: Because they are a pain in the neck.
Q: How do you know a skeleton is sick?
A: He’s coffin.
Q: What do ghosts tell around the campfire?
A: Scary human stories.
Q: Where do deviled eggs come from?
A: Evil hens.
Q: Where do toddler ghosts stay when their parents are at work?
A: Day scare!
Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
A: Time to get a new clock.
Q: How can you tell if a ghost is scared?
A: He’s white as a sheet.
Q: What is a zombie’s favorite appetizer?
A: Finger food!
Q: What did the child mummy want to be when he grew up?
A: A wrap star.
Q: How did the jack-o’-lantern become a murderer?
A: He squashed someone.
Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o’-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.
Q: What do you call a Halloween monster who is really bad at scaring people?
A: A Halloweenie!
If you’re throwing a monster mash this year, check out the best Halloween party ideas, including Halloween bingo, to play with the group.
Halloween jokes for adults
Q: What does Elon Musk do on Halloween?
A: He goes trick-or-tweeting.
Q: Why did they discontinue making spider silk pants?
A: They looked great, but the fly kept getting stuck.
Q: Why did the mummy never take a vacation day?
A: He didn’t know how to unwind.
Q: How many skeletons do you have in your closet?
A: None, but that’s just because the body hasn’t decomposed yet.
Q: What type of Halloween books do pumpkins write?
A: Pulp fiction.
Q: Why did the zombie get kicked out of church?
A: It tried to eat the organ.
Q: What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?
A: Wait for it—it will dawn on you.
Q: Why are monsters so into astrology?
A: They love reading their horror-scope.
Q: What happens if you forget to pay your exorcist?
A: You get repossessed.
Q: What do ghosts order at the bar?
A: Boos. And then they leave sheet-faced.
Q: What happens when pumpkins drink alcohol?
A: They get smashed.
Q: How do you buy things on the dark web?
A: With crypt-ocurrency!
Q: What is the best Halloween pickup line?
A: Are you a ghost? Because you’ve been haunting my dreams.
Q: How did the real estate agent sell a home with a dozen witches in the bathtub?
A: By noting it comes complete with a self-cleaning coven.
Q: What did the vampire say to his hangry friend?
A: Don’t B-negative. Look for more positive.
Q: What did the ghost say when he found out he’d been scammed?
A: It seems I’ve been bam-BOO-zled!
Q: What do skeletons do at wild parties?
A: Pass around a joint.
If you’ve got a dark sense of humor, you’ll love these dark jokes on Halloween and beyond.
Funny witch jokes
Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet.
Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service.
Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away the W.
Q: What do you call a desert-dwelling witch?
A: A sand-witch.
Q: What do you call two witches who live together?
A: Broom-mates.
Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.
Q: How do you turn off the lights on Halloween?
A: Use the lights-witch.
Q: Did you hear about the witch who got really angry while on her broomstick?
A: She flew off the handle.
Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So you can tell which witch is witch.
Q: Why did the witch’s feet hurt after a long day?
A: She had candy corns.
In the mood for a little magic? Watch one of these classic witch movies.
Funny vampire jokes
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels.
Q: Why did the vampire read the New York Times?
A: He heard it had great circulation.
Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath.
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite.
Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
Q: What’s a vampire’s least-favorite food?
A: Stake.
Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem.
Q: How do vampires start their letters?
A: “Tomb it may concern …”
Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.
Q: Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite?
A: Neck-tarine!
Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
A: A bloodhound.
Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
A: Fangs-giving.
Q: What restaurant should you never take a vampire to?
A: A stake house.
To create a scary Halloween costume this year, learn how to make fake blood. Going as a vampire is just one option, of course!
Funny skeleton jokes
Q: Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
A: They have no body to love.
Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite dinner?
A: Spare ribs.
Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.
Q: How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?
A: Use a skeleton key to unlock the gates!
Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A: A trombone.
Q: Are skeletons good at painting?
A: No, they prefer making skull-ptures.
Q: What does a French skeleton say?
A: Bone-jour!
Q: Why can’t the skeleton play church hymns?
A: Because she has no organs.
Q: What do you say to a skeleton stuck in the snow?
A: You numb-skull!
We’ve got more where that came from! Here are more Halloween puns you can’t help but find “humerus.”
Halloween knock-knock jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby Halloween!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry—I’m a friendly ghost!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivanna.
Ivanna who?
Ivanna suck your blood!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ooze.
Ooze who?
Ooze your favorite Halloween monster, and why isn’t it me?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda go out trick-or-treating with me tonight?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe give me Halloween candy?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for your Halloween party!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are asking all these questions?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Woo.
Woo who?
Woo-hoo! It’s finally Halloween!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Witches.
Witches who?
Witches the way to the haunted house?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip my Halloween bucket!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ima.
Ima who?
Ima do a trick if you don’t gimme a treat.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hans.
Hans who?
Hans off my candy, Mom!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and answer the door! It’s cold out here.
Go all out this year with these creepy-fun outdoor Halloween decorations.
Corny Halloween jokes
Q: What is a monster’s favorite dessert?
A: I scream!
Q: What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
A: Straw-berries.
Q: What room will you never find in a ghost’s house?
A: A living room.
Q: What is a ghost’s favorite position to play in hockey?
A: Ghoulie.
Q: How do you know a cemetery is popular?
A: People are just dying to get in.
Q: What do you call a cheesy Halloween dance?
A: The muenster mash.
Q: Why was the witch’s broom late?
A: It over-swept.
Q: How do you know if a skeleton is funny?
A: He has a humerus.
Q: Why did the Headless Horseman go to school?
A: To get ahead in life.
Q: Who should you hire to write a book about Halloween?
A: A ghost writer.
Q: Why are vampires terrible at baseball?
A: Their bats fly away.
Q: What do ghost brides carry on their wedding day?
A: Boo-quets.
Q: What’s the best compliment to give a vampire?
A: “You suck.”
Q: What is a zombie’s favorite food?
A: Human beans.
Q: Why did the policeman arrest the ghost scaring children on Halloween?
A: She didn’t have a haunting license.
Now that you’ve giggled your way through these Halloween jokes, scare yourself silly with these creepy photos.
Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.
Additional reporting by Andy Simmons.
