110 Halloween Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone
Updated: Mar. 28, 2023
Need to tickle a skeleton's funny bone? Try one of these Halloween jokes.
Halloween might primarily be a scary holiday, but that doesn’t mean it’s not also pretty darn funny. While you’re coming up with your best ideas for Halloween costumes, get a laugh from these silly Halloween jokes, which poke fun at your favorite ghosts and ghouls. They’re not so scary when you can laugh at them, right?
To make sure your Halloween party will really slay, share some of these Halloween quotes, Halloween riddles and Halloween trivia questions. Then don’t forget to post spooky pictures on social media with these Halloween captions. And to keep the laughs going all year round, read our favorite short jokes.
Halloween dad jokes
Q: The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it and the user does not see it. What is it?
A: A coffin.
Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.
Q: What is a pause in work at a mortuary called?
A: A coffin break!
Q: What kind of monster loves to disco?
A: The boogieman.
Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?
A: He was already stuffed.
Q: Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts.
Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.
Try out these DIY Halloween decorations that’ll transform your residence into a house of horrors.
Q: Are any Halloween monsters good at math?
A: No—unless you Count Dracula!
Q: How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch!
Q: Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten.
Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there.
Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap!
Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
A: The Dead Sea.
Dad jokes are always funny, and they pair perfectly with our Halloween jokes for kids!
Funny Halloween jokes
Q: What’s a ghoul’s favorite drink?
A: Anything with boos.
Q: What is a monster’s favorite pet?
A: Creepy crawlies.
Q: What did people say when the headless horseman started dating a zombie?
A: He’s lost his head!
Q: Why don’t mummies take time off?
A: They’re afraid to unwind.
Q: What is in a ghost’s nose?
A: Boo-gers.
Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!
If you’re staying in on Halloween this year, cue up one of these great kids Halloween movies or opt for one of the best Halloween movies for adults.
Q: What do ghosts use to do their makeup?
A: Vanishing cream.
Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
A: Spook-hetti!
Q: What did the mommy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: “Spook when you’re spooken to.”
Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurry?
A: Spooktacles.
Q: Why do female ghosts go on a diet?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figure.
Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A: Mali-boo.
Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them.
Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Sham-boo!
As you prepare for trick-or-treating this year, be sure to stock up on all the best Halloween candy deals!
Kids Halloween jokes
Q: What does a zombie call his parents?
A: Mummy and Deady.
Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
A: Prank-enstein!
Q: How do ghosts get their hair to stay in place?
A: They use scare-spray.
Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
A: He is mist.
Q: Why do vampires have a hard time making friends?
A: Because they are a pain in the neck.
Q: How do you know a skeleton is sick?
A: He’s coffin.
Try out these free pumpkin carving stencils to take your jack-o’-lantern to the next level.
Q: Where do deviled eggs come from?
A: Evil hens.
Q: Where do toddler ghosts stay when their parents are at work?
A: Day scare!
Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
A: Time to get a new clock.
Q: How can you tell if a ghost is scared?
A: He’s white as a sheet.
Q: What is a zombie’s favorite appetizer?
A: Finger food!
Q: How did the jack-o’-lantern become a murderer?
A: He squashed someone.
Q: What do kid ghosts tell around the campfire?
A: Scary human stories.
Q: What do you call a Halloween monster who is really bad at scaring people?
A: A Halloweenie!
If you’re throwing a monster mash this year, check out the best Halloween party ideas, including Halloween bingo to play with the group.
Halloween jokes for adults
Q: How many skeletons do you have in your closet?
A: None, but that’s just because the body hasn’t decomposed yet.
Q: What type of Halloween books do pumpkins write?
A: Pulp fiction.
Q: What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?
A: Wait for it … it will dawn on you.
Q: What happens if you forget to pay your exorcist?
A: You get repossessed.
Q: What do ghosts order at the bar?
A: Boos. And then they leave sheet-faced.
Q: What happens when pumpkins drink alcohol?
A: They get smashed.
Q: How do you buy things on the dark web?
A: With crypt-ocurrency!
Q: What is the best Halloween pickup line?
A: Are you a ghost? Because you’ve been haunting my dreams.
Q: How did the real estate agent sell a home with a dozen witches in the bathtub?
A: “It comes complete with a self-cleaning coven.”
Q: What did the vampire say to his hangry friend?
A: Don’t B-negative. Look for more positive.
If you’ve got a dark sense of humor, you’ll love these dark jokes.
Funny witch jokes
Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet.
Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service.
Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away the W.
Q: What do you call a desert-dwelling witch?
A: A sand-witch.
Q: What do you call two witches who live together?
A: Broom-mates.
Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.
Q: How do you turn off the lights on Halloween?
A: Use the lights witch.
Q: Did you hear about the witch who got really angry while on her broomstick?
A: She flew off the handle.
Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So you can tell which witch is witch.
If these jokes have inspired you to watch some fictional witches work their magic, cue up a classic witch movie, like Hocus Pocus.
Funny vampire jokes
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels.
Q: Why did the vampire read the New York Times?
A: He heard it had great circulation.
Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath.
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite.
Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
Q: What’s a vampire’s least-favorite food?
A: Stake.
If you want more laughs after reading these Halloween jokes, browse these punny Halloween costumes for trick-or-treating inspiration.
Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem.
Q: How do vampires start their letters?
A: “Tomb it may concern …”
Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.
Q: Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite?
A: Neck-tarine!
Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
A: A bloodhound.
Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
A: Fangs-giving!
Interested in wearing a scary Halloween costume this year? Learn how to make fake blood, then go as a bloodsucker.
Funny skeleton jokes
Q: Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
A: They have no body to love.
Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.
Q: How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?
A: Use a skeleton key to unlock the gates!
Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A: A trombone.
Q: Are skeletons good at painting?
A: No, they prefer making skull-ptures.
Q: What does a French skeleton say?
A: Bone-jour!
Q: Why can’t the skeleton play church hymns?
A: Because she has no organs.
Q: What do you say to a skeleton stuck in the snow?
A: You numb-skull!
Love skeleton puns? Then these Halloween puns will have you laughing till you’re coffin.
Halloween knock-knock jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby Halloween!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry, I’m a friendly ghost!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivana.
Ivana who?
Ivana suck your blood!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ooze.
Ooze who?
Ooze your favorite Halloween monster, and why isn’t it me?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wanda.
Wanda who?
Wanda go out trick-or-treating with me tonight?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe give me Halloween candy?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin.
Justin who?
Justin time for your Halloween party!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are asking all these questions?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Woo.
Woo who?
Woo-hoo it’s finally Halloween!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Witches.
Witches who?
Witches the way to the haunted house?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Phillip.
Phillip who?
Phillip my Halloween bucket!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ima.
Ima who?
Ima do a trick if you don’t gimme a treat.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hans.
Hans who?
Hans off my candy, Mom!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and answer the door! It’s cold out here.
Go all out this year with these creepy-fun outdoor Halloween decorations and Amazon Halloween decorations.
Corny Halloween jokes
Q: What is a monster’s favorite dessert?
A: I scream!
Q: What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
A: Straw-berries.
Q: What room will you never find in a ghost’s house?
A: A living room.
Q: What is a ghost’s favorite position to play in hockey?
A: Ghoulie.
Q: How do you know a cemetery is popular?
A: People are just dying to get in.
Q: What do you call a cheesy Halloween dance?
A: The muenster mash.
Q: Why was the witch’s broom late?
A: It over-swept.
Q: How do you know if a skeleton is funny?
A: He has a humerus.
Q: Why did the headless horseman go to school?
A: To get ahead in life.
Q: Who should you hire to write a book about Halloween?
A: A ghost writer.
Q: Why are vampires terrible at baseball?
A: Their bats fly away.
Q: What do ghost brides carry on their wedding day?
A: Boo-quets.
Q: What’s the best compliment to give a vampire?
A: “You suck.”
Q: What is a zombie’s favorite food?
A: Human beans.
Now that you’ve giggled your way through these Halloween jokes, scare yourself silent with these creepy photos.
Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.
Additional reporting by Andy Simmons.
