Trick or Treat! You Need to Learn These 55 Corny Halloween Jokes

Need to tickle a skeleton’s funny bone? Try one of these.

Get scared silly with Halloween jokes!

Halloween might primarily be a scary holiday, but that doesn’t mean it’s not also pretty darn funny! While you’re coming up with your best ideas for Halloween costumes, get a laugh from these silly jokes poking fun at ghosts, ghouls, vampires, and your other favorite Halloween monsters. They’re not so scary when you can laugh at them, right?! Some of these make delightfully corny Halloween captions. In addition to these Halloween jokes, share some of these Halloween quotes at your next party to get everyone in the spooky spirit. And to keep the laughs going all year round, read our favorite short jokes.

Halloween dad jokes

Q: The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it. What is it?
A: A coffin.

Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.

Q: What is a recess at a mortuary called?
A: A Coffin Break!

Q: What kind of monster loves to disco?
A: The boogieman.

Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?
A: He was already stuffed.

Q: Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?
A: He had no guts.

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Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.

Q: Are any Halloween monsters good at math?
A: No—unless you Count Dracula!

Q: Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
A: He felt rotten!

Q: How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
A: You use a pumpkin patch!

Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?
A: Because there are so many plots there!

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Funny ghost and ghouls jokes

Q: What’s a ghoul’s favorite bean?
A: A human bean.

Q: Why did the ghost go into the bar?
A: For the Boos.

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Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A: He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q: Why don’t mummies take time off?
A: They’re afraid to unwind.

Q: What is in a ghost’s nose?
A: Boo-gers.

Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO!

Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?
A: Spook-hetti!

Q: What do ghosts use to do their makeup?
A: Vanishing Cream!

Q: What did the mommy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?
A: “Spook when you’re spooken to.”

Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
A: Spooktacles.

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Large Black Halloween Pumpkin with cute smiling face wearing witch hat looking at flying paper bats over orange background.AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Q: Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Q: Where does a ghost go on vacation?
A: Mali-boo.

Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap!

Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
A: The Dead Sea!

Q: Why can’t the boy ghost have babies?
A: Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

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Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Sham-BOO!

Halloween decoration concept. Cute smiling black paper bat flying over orange background. Halloween background.AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Funny witch jokes

Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet.

Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?
A: Broom service!

Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away the W.

Q: What is the name of the witch who lives in the desert?
A: Sand-witch!

Q: What do you call two witches who live together?
A: Broom-mates.

Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling!

Q: Did you hear about the witch who got really angry while on her broomstick?
A: She flew off the handle.

Q: How do you turn off the lights on Halloween?
A: Use the lights witch.

Q: Why do witches wear nametags?
A: So you can tell which witch is witch.

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Funny vampire jokes

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?
A: On blood vessels.

Q: Why did the Vampire read the New York Times?
A: He heard it had great circulation.

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite.

Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem.

Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Q: How do vampires start their letters?
A: “Tomb it may concern…”

Q: Which fruit is a vampire’s favorite?
A: Neck-tarine!

Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?
A: Blood hound!

Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?
A: Fangs-giving!

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Spooky Halloween Concept. Scary skeleton face to face with cute smiling pumpkin. Funny Halloween Background.AndreaObzerova/Getty Images

Funny skeleton jokes

Q: Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?
A: They have no body to love.

Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

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Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?
A: Use a Skeleton Key to unlock the gates!

Q: What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A: A trombone!

Q: Are skeletons good at painting?
A: No, they prefer making skull-ptures.

Q: What does a French skeleton say?
A: Bone-jour!

Now that you’re an expert in Halloween jokes, see how you do with this Halloween trivia!

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Originally Published in Reader's Digest

Andy Simmons
Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest.