The Crazy Way Your Workplace Could Skyrocket Your Chance of Divorce
Updated: Jul. 16, 2021New research suggests that a specific type of workplace could greatly increase your chance of divorce—and it’s got nothing to do with the job description
There are many ways that work can strain your marriage: late nights at the office, unpredictable schedules, and high-stress projects that leave you too exhausted for thoughtful date-night conversations. But new research suggests that a specific type of workplace could greatly increase your chance of divorce—and it’s got nothing to do with the job description. Learn how 5 people knew their marriage was doomed.
A recent Danish study found that the key here is the ratio of one gender to another. As the ratio of opposite-sex coworkers rose, so did the risk of divorce. The team found that men who worked almost exclusively with women were about 15 percent more likely to get divorced than men who worked primarily with other men. Women who worked more often with men were 10 percent more likely to get divorced. The effect was even more dramatic among highly educated men compared with their less educated peers. No matter what the opposite-sex ratio was, divorce rates were highest in settings with younger workers, such as hotels and restaurants, and lowest in workplaces with older workers, such as farming and libraries.
The study analyzed data from all of the country’s opposite-sex couples who were married between 1981 and 2002, as well as data about their jobs. Researchers say that Denmark was the ideal laboratory for this experiment because of its positive attitude toward divorce and its variety of gender ratios among job sectors.
The findings are definitely alarming, but no reason to be suspicious whenever your spouse mentions a coworker. If you are concerned about infidelity, relationship experts say the top signs are a change in schedule and increased privacy regarding phones, laundry, and social media. Find out more of the 12 subtle signs you’ve got a cheating spouse.
A major change in behavior is also telling. “When a partner starts pulling away from people and occasions that are usually a high priority, it could be a cause for concern,” relationship expert Amy Spencer, author of Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match, told RD.com. “Every person is unique in how they balance work and family, so the key lies in whether or not a behavior is ‘so not like him.’ If your partner has always enjoyed BBQs with the family and kids, and if work has never gotten in the way of events like this before, it raises a red flag.” If you find out that your partner did cheat, try not to do any of these 10 things.
Hesitating to seek a lawyer's advice
When divorce seems inevitable, the first thing to do is seek advice from a lawyer not affiliated with your spouse, advises Anne P. Mitchell, Esq, attorney and family law professor—even if you're hoping to settle out of court. Only an attorney can assess whether your divorce is a good candidate for "alternative dispute resolution" (ADR), and even if things seem amicable, "don't assume that once the rings come off, they'll stay that way," advises Mischelle Copeland, a financial advisor with Wells Fargo. Here are eight secret signs you're heading for a divorce
Not hiring the right lawyer
Your attorney should be both an expert in divorce matters and known and respected by other local divorce lawyers, advises Randall M. Kessler, Esq., marital attorney and author of Divorce: Protect Yourself. That said, there's no need to bring in the "big guns," says family lawyer, Jessica Markham. "I've seen it happen where people hire lawyers beyond their means and then run out of money." Also, make sure you choose a lawyer whose goals are aligned with yours. In addition, check out these crucial steps for hiring the right divorce lawyer.
Failing to be your own advocate
"If you're in the hospital, you read up on your illness. In a divorce, you'll want to stay on top of things as well," says Kessler, who also points out that your input is valuable because you know your spouse and your circumstances better than the lawyer does. At the same time, don't run up your legal fees by treating your lawyer like a therapist, advises family law attorney Libby James with Horack Talley in Charlotte, N.C. "Multiple phone calls a week can add up to a very large bill from an attorney," he warns.
Avoiding the reality of your finances
"One of the first things my divorce attorney did was have me fill out a Statement of Net Worth (SNW)," says Lara Nolan, a recently divorced New Yorker. The process of itemizing your marital property and getting an idea of what will be left after you split it up is routine practice in all 50 states. Some people actually decide to reconcile once they see it on paper. Others, like Nolan, use the SNW as a reality check, but don't let it deter them from moving forward with a divorce. Check out these money secrets divorce attorneys wish you knew.
Ignoring the inevitable change in your standard of living
If you do decide to move forward with your divorce, it's important to accept that your financial circumstances will change. "Embrace it," advises April Masini, relationship expert, author of four relationship advice books, and the host of Relationship Advice Forum, "or you'll run the risk of making bad financial decisions." In fact, certified financial planner Lauren Klein has seen clients make poor decisions such as using retirement funds to finance "keeping the house," only to see the house lose value and become an enormous financial burden. Here are some of the worst divorce settlements in history.
Waiting to separate finances
As soon as possible, split up the joint bank accounts, change your passwords, and do whatever else needs to be done to get out of each other's financial lives, advises Rebecca Zung, Esq., a marital and family law attorney who also offers her services as a divorce transformation strategist (helping people get through divorce and create new lives). Then be sure to check your credit report periodically to make sure there's nothing unexpected. (Remember: Your ex has your social security number and knows your mother's maiden name). Here are some of the crazy-but-true reasons people have gotten divorced.
Making major financial decisions while in the midst of divorcing
"Money is always emotional, but divorce amplifies this reality many times over," says Carla Dearing, CEO of Sum 180, a financial wellness consultant. Don't make any major financial decisions until you're through the ordeal, advises Josh Zimmelman, owner of Westwood Tax & Consulting. "Not only are you not in the right mindset to be making any big decisions, but there might also be legal ramifications to consider. Most importantly, don't make emotional decisions about non-emotional things, like your finances."
Attempting to hide money or assets
If you try hiding money or assets to keep them out of the "marital estate," you're risking serious penalties and possible jail time, according to attorney Mitchell. IRS Enrolled Agent, Abby Eisenkraft, who is also the author of 101 Ways to Stay Off the IRS Radar and CEO of Choice Tax Solutions, Inc. "The IRS calls this a fraudulent conveyance," she notes. "It's easy to catch, and it's not tolerated."
Quitting your job or reducing your hours
If you already have a job, don't try to reduce the amount of income you earn in order to try and lower (for payers) or increase (for payees) spousal support, advises attorney Mitchell. "In addition to stiff penalties, if you are found out, courts can impute income if they believe you are intentionally suppressing your income."
Remaining unemployed
If you're currently not working, try to get a job (ideally one with health insurance), advises Joseph Davis, a certified divorce financial analyst and owner of the website Fit Divorce Planning. (This won't be a concern for the lucky few who can expect to be self-sufficient for the rest of their lives, of course.) "If you are working, look for ways to advance in your career or increase your income since it's not uncommon for a divorcing individual to need at least a 30 percent increase in income just to maintain his or her standard of living." These are some of the top benefits of being divorced, according to those who have been there.
Keeping the same beneficiaries
"Every year, thousands of divorcees who have neglected to change their wills end up passing away unexpectedly, leading to unnecessary legal drama," points out Nate Masterson, director of finance for Maple Holistics. As soon as divorce becomes inevitable, change your will to reflect your updated status, Masterson advises, and make sure your children—or whoever is closest to you—will be the beneficiaries. The same is true for insurance policies and retirement accounts, points out Davis.
Wasting money fighting about child support
"Child support is set by a formula from which courts will rarely deviate," points out attorney Mitchell. Parents can agree on a different amount, but fighting about it is pointless. And don't plan your budget based on the amount of child support you've been awarded, advises Sonya Smith-Valentine, Esq., president of Financially Fierce, LLC because if your ex fails to pay, it can take months to obtain and enforce a court order and for you to receive any money—during which time you still have to pay your bills.
Going to court unnecessarily
If at all possible, do not fight about anything in court, advises attorney Mitchell. "There really is no winner, especially if you have children, and you and your children are far better off keeping the money and putting it in a college fund or other account than giving it to the lawyers." But if you settle out of court, don't rush the process to cut your legal bills or to simply be done with it, advises Dearing. Make sure the settlement agreement is clear, unambiguous, and satisfactory, advises Zung. Here's how to tell your kids you're getting divorced.
