40 New Year’s Jokes That Will Have You Laughing into 2023
Updated: May 12, 2023
Goodbye, 2022. Hello, 2023! Kick off the year with a laugh (or two) by telling these hilarious New Year's jokes.
We’re rounding the corner into 2023, and everyone is more than ready to usher in the New Year. Some people are celebrating by throwing a New Year’s Eve party (complete with some super fun games), whereas others are watching New Year’s Eve movies while waiting for the ball to drop. No matter what you do, though, there’s always room for New Year’s humor. And lucky for us, there are plenty of funny jokes about the holiday. Kick off 2023 with some laughs by telling these hilarious New Year’s jokes all the way to midnight. Your guests will love the short jokes and hilarious one-liners!
The funniest New Year’s jokes to tell
1. What is a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.
Speaking of resolutions—here’s the best New Year’s resolution, according to your zodiac sign.
2. What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve? Chill out.
3. Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
4. What do New Year’s Day parades have in common with Santa Claus? No one is awake to see either of them.
5. My grandparents had resolutions like donating more time and money to charities. I’ve decided to make my own coffee once a week.
Loving these New Year’s jokes? Feel free to use them as funny New Year’s captions on Instagram.
6. Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? To ring in the New Year.
7. My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolution.
8. What did the little champagne bottle call his father? Pop!
9. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Eve.
10. Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve? Waiting for the punch line.
11. What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve? Hogs and kisses.
12. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Looking for more New Year’s jokes and humor? These New Year’s memes will have you laughing into 2023.
13. What did the ghost say on Jan. 1? Happy Boo Year!
These New Year’s jokes will give you all the laughs you need, but for good luck, here are some foods you should eat.
14. I see no need to make more New Year’s resolutions when the ones already on the books aren’t being enforced.
15. What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve? Social security.
16. What’s a digital camera’s New Year’s resolution? 1080p.
17. This New Year’s, I’m going to make a resolution I can keep: no dieting all year long.
18. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby New Year.
Don’t forget to share these funny New Year’s quotes with friends and family!
19. Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve? Times Square.
20. Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer? To start off the New Year in a cool way.
21. What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve? I haven’t seen you for a year.
22. This New Year’s, I’ve resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.
23. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months!
Need to spruce up your New Year’s party? Check out these New Year’s decorations to help you ring in 2023 in style.
24. What is corn’s favorite holiday? New Ears Day!
25. What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? The New Year’s Eve cleanup crew.
26. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
The only “homework” you want your dog to chew up is your list of New Year’s resolutions.
27. What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31? It’s New Year’s, Eve.
28. Why was the telephone late for work on Jan. 1? It was busy ringing in the new year!
29. What did George Washington do in the days leading up to New Year’s? He made a New Year’s revolution.
30. What compliment did the drink glass give to the champagne on New Year’s Eve? “You’re so bubbly!”
Get Reader’s Digest’s Read Up newsletter for more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long.
31. Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve—Dec. 31.
32. My New Year’s resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to “Auld Lang Syne.”
33. My resolution was to read more, so I turned on the subtitles on my TV.
34. I don’t know why people flock to Times Square on New Year’s Eve. They always drop the ball.
35. Why is New Year’s a slice of bread’s least favorite holiday? It has to make a toast.
36. Why did the man stand on one leg at midnight on New Year’s? He wanted to start the year on the right foot.
37. Why was the Hershey bar bummed on New Year’s Eve? It got stuck waiting for a midnight Kiss.
38. What do kangaroos say to each other at midnight on Jan. 1? “Hoppy New Year!”
39. What did the woman say when she was offered a raisin on New Year’s Eve? “No thanks, I already have a date.”
40. What was the opening line of the spice rack’s New Year’s toast? “Cheers to the good thymes!”
Next, check out these New Year’s quotes that will inspire a fresh start to 2023.
Submit your best joke here, and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.
