Christmas Jokes

Q: How does a snowman get to work? A: By icicle

Q: What do snowmen call their offspring? A: Chill-dren

Q. What's St. Nicholas's favorite measurement in the metric system? A. The Santameter! By Briana, age 7

Q. Where do Christmas plants go when they want to become movie stars? A. Holly-wood!

Q. How do Christmas angels greet each other? A. "Halo!"

Q. What's red and white and falls down chimneys? A. Santa Klutz!

Q. Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners? A. RUDE-olph, of course!

People act like the North Pole and the South Pole are exactly the same, but really, there's a whole world of difference between them.

Q. What did the peanut butter say to the grape on Christmas? A. "'Tis the season to be jelly!"

Q. What's a sheep's favorite Christmas song? A. "Fleece Navidad"!

Q. What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime? A. "Season's bleatings!"

Q. What's Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip? A. Crisp Pringles!

Q. What's Jack Frost's favorite part of the school day? A. Snow and tell. By Joshua S., Lafayette, Ind.

Q. Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee? A. Because they're Santa's star bucks!

Q. What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed? A. Cookie sheets!

Q. What do you call an outlaw who steals gift wrapping from the rich to give to the poor? A. Ribbon Hood.

Q. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? A. A pineapple! By Zoey Y., Flower Mound, Tex.

Q. How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day? A. There's Noel!

Q. What's Santa Claus's favorite track & field event? A. North Pole-vaulting!

Q: Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb? A: Because it would say, “Baaaaahh humbug!”

Q: What are the best books to read during the holidays? A: The Lord of the Five Golden Rings No Country for Old Menorahs For Whom the Jingle Bells Toll Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secret Santas Frankincense and Sensibility

Q: Where do you find reindeer? A: It depends on where you leave them!

Q: Who is a Christmas tree's favorite singer? A: Spruce Springsteen

Q: What’s Santa’s favorite snack food? A: Crisp Pringles.  

Q: How is the alphabet different on Christmas than any other day? A: On Christmas, it has Noel.

Q: "Why didn't Rudolph get a good report card?" A: "Because he went down in History."

Q: What Do You Sing At An Elf's Birthday Party? A: Freeze A Jolly Good Fellow!

Q: What cars do elves drive? A: A toyYoda.  

Q: How did Scrooge win the football game? A: The ghost of Christmas passed

Q: What do you call Santa’s helpers? A: Subordinate Clauses.

Q: What is Santa’s primary language? A: North Polish.

Q: What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? A: This will sleigh you

Q: Why did they couple get hitched on the 24 of December? A: So they could have a married Christmas

Q: How do you lift a frozen car? A: With a Jack Frost

Q: Which holiday mascot has the least spare change? A: St. Nickel-less

Q: What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery? A: Welfy

Q: How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? A; He was hooked on trees his whole life

Q: How can you tell a family doesn't celebrate Christmas? A: The lights are on, but nobody's a gnome.

Q: What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? A: RUDEolph.

Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? A: Because the present's beneath them.

Q: What do you call an elf who sings? A: A wrapper!

Q: What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A: A rebel without a Claus.

Q: What do you call a bankrupt Santa? A: Saint Nickel-less.

Q: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? A: It needed to be trimmed.

Q: What is Santa Claus' laundry detergent of choice? A: Yule-Tide.  

Q: How does Santa keep his bathroom tiles immaculate? A: He uses Comet.  

Q: What's Santa's favorite song by the Ramones? A: Blitzen-krieg Bop.  

Q: Why does St. Nick like the Temptations’ version of Silent Night best? A: Because Santa Was A Rolling Stone.  

While our great-granddaughters were getting ready for bed on Christmas Eve, Molly had a loose tooth that she wanted to pull.

Addison said, “Don’t you dare pull that tooth out tonight because the Tooth Fairy wants to be with her family.” Molly waited until Christmas to pull her tooth.

Did you hear that Santa knows karate? He has a black belt.

Q: Who is Santa's favorite singer? A: Elf-is Presley.

Q: What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? A: Santapplause!

Q: What do you say to Santa when he's taking attendance at school? A: Present.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper feeling depressed? A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q:What do you call Kris Kringle when he goes on his wife’s health insurance? A: A dependent Claus. By Sam Benson Smith

Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.

Q: Why did Santa bring 22 reindeer to Walmart? A: Because what he wanted to buy cost around 20 bucks, but just in case it was more, he brought some extra doe.

Q: What kind of bike does Santa Claus ride? A: A Holly Davidson.

Q: What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? A: Santa Clues!

Q: What nationality is Santa Claus? A: North Polish

Q: When Santa is on the beach what do the elves call him? A: Sandy Claus

Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney? A: Because it soots him!

Q: What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? A: Crisp Kringle.

Q: What’s Santa’s dog’s name? A: Santa Paws!

Q: What’s as big as Santa but weighs nothing? A: Santa’s shadow!

Q: Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? A: Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q: Why does Santa have elves in his workshop? A: Because the Seven Dwarfs were busy!

Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up in the sky? A: Looks like rain, dear!

Q: How do you know Santa Claus is good at karate? A: He has a black belt!