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Diet Jokes

Put the green juice down and stock up on these diet jokes and vegetarian puns.

Get a forkful of these funny diet jokes, vegan puns and vegetarian jokes that will lighten up about your hangry mood. For an extra helping of laughter, take a look at our weight loss jokes.

Salad: A Dieting Staple

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

Nothing to See Here

Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?

A: One if nobody's looking.

Losing Everything but the Weight

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, pen, cell phone, temper, and my mind.  

Taste the Rainbow

Nutrition question: How many Skittles equal one serving of fruit?


Q: What do vegan zombies eat?

A: GggRrrAaaIiiNnSsss!

A serious medical condition

It's hard to lose weight when you have an overactive knife and fork.

Fondue for You

Q: When should you go on a cheese diet?

A: If you need to cheddar few pounds.

I’ll Take Two

Q: What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?

A: A beer in each hand.

Time to Eat

Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?

A: He went back four seconds.

You Are What You Eat

D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?

No Animal Testing

Q: Why does vegan cheese taste bad?

A: It hasn't been tested on mice.

Read the Label

Q: How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.

It’s Gluten-y Good

Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? He sold his soul to seitan!

Caveman Diet

Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark!

I Have No Beef With You

Q: What do you call a dumb omnivore? A: A meathead!

Now Minerals Feel Left Out

I'm not vegetarian because I love animals. I'm vegetarian because I hate vegetables.

Can’t Catch a Break

Q: What is the Native American word for vegetarian?

A: "Poor hunter!"

You Can’t Forget That Face

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I've never met herbivore.

Protein Plus

Q: How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: I don't know, but where do you get your protein!?

File This Under Second Thoughts

“Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”