60 Funny Birthday Quotes Perfect for Cards
Updated: Jan. 12, 2023Look no further for hilariously perfect quotes for birthday cards.
Birthdays are fun! Trying to find a good “happy birthday” message to write in a card, though? Not so much. But worry not, because there are many hilarious quotes you can choose from to make someone smile on their special day. Just look at 60 of our favorite birthday quotes and you’ll definitely find one that fits your liking. Make sure you also check out the funniest quotes of all time—and the best birthday gifts for everyone in your life!
Liz Smith
“One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you’ve become harmless.” Check out these birthday puns for all ages!
Harold Coffin
“Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.” For trivia fans, have you ever wondered what the origin of the birthday cake is?
Lucille Ball
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” For more secrets on making 50 look like 30, adopt these 50 everyday habits to look younger.
Larry Lorenzoni
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” Check out these belated birthday wishes if you’re looking to make it up to your friend whose birthday you forgot.
Francis Bacon
“I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.”
R. C. Ferguson
“A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.” For more memorable sayings, don’t miss these 50 inspirational quotes to get you through any morning.
Norman Vincent Peale
“Live your life and forget your age.” These greeting card stories are cute and memorable.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“We don’t grow old. When we cease to grow, we become old.” Age, in itself, can also be pretty funny. If you’re enjoying these funny birthday quotes, you’ll also get a laugh at these jokes about old age.
Golda Meir
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.”
Woody Allen
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” Here are some interesting things about the “Happy Birthday” song you never knew.
Daniel Francois Esprit Auber
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” These quarantine quotes are also pretty funny.
Marcia Goldlist
“Happy Birthday to you, we hope that all year you never feel blue. Now that you are fifty-five, we hope that you will survive.”
H. Prochnow
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” These 75 hilarious quotes will also make you chuckle.
Malcolm Cowley
“They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.”
Robert Frost
“Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.” If you’re looking for more quotes to make you laugh, here are some chuckle-inducing mom quotes.
Tom Wilson
“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.”
Mary Schmich
“Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.” Check out these knock-knock jokes that will also make you smile.
Robert Southey
“Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.”
Joan Rivers
“Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty.” These jokes about Monday are just as funny as this quote.
Herbert Asquith
“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” Make sure you also check out these clever jokes.
Robert Frost
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.”
Erma Bombeck
“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” Make sure you also check out these customer service jokes.
Leo Rosenberg
“First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.”
Anthony Powell
“Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.”
Eva Gabor
“I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.” Make sure you also check out these love puns.
Ogden Nash
“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.”
Richard Armour
“Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old who are only my age.” These hilarious text jokes will also lift your spirits.
Dave Barry
“Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.”
Phyllis Diller
“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” Did you know that U.S. presidents occasionally told funny jokes too?
Ubie Blake
“If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”
Euripedes
“If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.” These one-liners will also make you laugh.
Brigitte Bardot
“It’s sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.” Here are some animal jokes you can’t help but laugh at.
C.E.M. Joad
“Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” Here are some hilarious jokes from people that make America laugh.
Kate Summers
“The good thing about getting older is if you don’t want to do something you can say, I’m too old to do that!” Here are the 50 funniest jokes about all 50 states.
Chaka Khan
“As you get older, though, you realize there are fire extinguishers. You do have an ability to control the flames.”
Catherine Pulsifer
“You’re in mint condition for a vintage model. Happy Birthday!” Here are some jokes that are proven to be funny by research.
Catherine Pulsifer
“Turning the big 40, well that can seem like a blow. No worries though as 50 will be here before you know!” These bad jokes you can’t help but smile at will also make you laugh.
Cardinal Spellman
“You’ve heard of the three ages of man: Youth, middle age, and you’re looking wonderful.”
Blair Sabol
“When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.” Next, check out these corny jokes that will definitely make you chuckle.
Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” To spark inspiration for funny birthday quotes you can write in your next card, check out these hilarious corny jokes.
Larry Lorenzoni
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” Next up, don’t miss these funny birthday jokes that will make anyone laugh.