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50 Funniest Valentine’s Day Cards We’re Buying This Year

These funny Valentine's cards offer a lot of heart and even more humor.

Every editorial product is independently selected, though we may be compensated or receive an affiliate commission if you buy something through our links. Ratings and prices are accurate and items are in stock as of time of publication.

Valentines Day Cards Openerrd.com, Via Retailers

My funny Valentine

Love is a song. Love is a battlefield. Love is pain. Love is blind. Love is an open door. Love is … a lot of things. But the best kind of love is the kind that makes you laugh so hard you snort—and then remember why you fell in love with this hilarious person in the first place. So this February 14, bring on the funny Valentine’s cards!

While crafty lovebirds might make homemade Valentine’s cards, and last-minute shoppers may opt for printable Valentine’s Day cards, those who appreciate a little humor with their Valentine’s Day celebration know that nothing says “I love you” quite like a funny Valentine’s card. As you browse Valentine’s Day ideas and stock up on Valentine’s Day gifts and Valentine’s Day flowers for your sweetheart, don’t forget to throw in one of these laugh-out-loud funny Valentine’s cards.

I Lava You CardVia Lovepop.com

I lava you

This cute pop-up card by Lovepop gets punny with a pair of adorable volcanoes to share the fire in your heart (in the safest way possible). Use these love quotes for inspiration for what to write.

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I Love You With All My Butt CardVia TheKardLab/Etsy.com

I love you with all my butt

You could say “heart,” but let’s be fair: Your bum’s a bit bigger. What better way to express the enormity of your love than with the most enormous part of your body? Folks with a little junk in their trunk will love this oversize card. Inside, write what you love most about your significant other. And remember: You should be complimenting your spouse daily.

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Youre The Only One I Answer The Phone For CardVia Girlwithknife.com

You’re the only one I answer the phone for

Why talk when you can just text? That’s how most people feel, but there are those few special people you would never send straight to voicemail. Another way to show your love? Take your sweetheart to dinner at the best romantic restaurant in your state.

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If We Were Monkeys Id Pick The Bugs Off Your Fur CardVia Amazon.com

If we were monkeys, I’d pick the bugs off your fur

Because nothing says love like delousing each other—but only those truly devoted will also eat the bugs. Ew! On second thought, skip the grooming and purchase one of the best Valentine’s gifts for her instead.

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I Cant Believe Im Not Sick Of You Yet CardVia SpadeStationery/Etsy.com

I can’t believe I’m not sick of you yet

This card is perfect for people who want to say “I love you” without getting all gushy. If that’s not you, consider adding a somewhat mushy note inside. After all, good communication improves relationships.

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Baby Yoda One For Me CardVia Etsy.com

Baby, Yoda one for me

Baby Yoda is everywhere these days, and you can capitalize on his cuteness by sharing this card with your favorite cutie. Forgot a gift to go with this card? You’re in luck. We’ve rounded up some last-minute Valentine’s Day gifts your special someone will adore.

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Love You Love You Smore CardVia Amazon.com

Love you. Love you s’more.

Nothing goes together better than graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows—except you and your true love! Not great with words? Write one of these love poems inside.

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Theres No One Else Id Rather Steal The Bed Covers From CardVia GraphicPosterPrints/Etsy.com

There’s no one else I’d rather steal the bed covers from

Settle the never-ending war of the bed covers (or reach a steamy truce) with this card. Even better: Surprise your sweetheart with one of these romantic weekend getaways.

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You Make My Arms Sweaty Knees Weak Palms Spaghetti CardVia SketchyPrintCo/Etsy.com

You make my arms sweaty, knees weak, palms spaghetti

This Eminem card uses the lyrics from his most famous song to share feelings that those words were never meant to express. Not sure what to write inside? Steal one of these candy hearts sayings.

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You Are My Favourite Husband CardVia Amazon.com

You are my favourite husband

Why, thank y— Wait, what? Share the fire of your love while sparking a little flame of doubt. Once you’ve set the record straight, hand over one of the best Valentine’s Day gifts for him.

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Youre My Happy Pill CardVia Girlwithknife.com

You’re my happy pill

Better loving through chemistry? This cheeky card celebrates love in the time of antidepressants.

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Fact It Is Valentines Day CardVia CardinalCreativeCo/Etsy.com

Fact: It is Valentine’s Day

With Dwight Schrute of The Office, there’s no flowery language, no complicated emotions, and no wasted words. But in your hands, this emotionless factoid can spell love. Not sure how to spend February 14 this year? Pick your Valentine’s Day celebration based on your zodiac sign.

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Still Love You CardVia InANutshellStudio/Etsy.com

Still love you

Living together ain’t easy, especially if one of you—we won’t name names!—can’t be bothered to refill the toilet paper. But love truly conquers all, even bad bathroom habits. Hammer home your enduring love with one of these inexpensive Valentine’s gifts.

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I Love You More Than I Hate Your Farts CardVia SorryNotSorryCo/Etsy.com

I love you more than I hate farts

Relationships are all about weighing the pros and cons, right? If you’re looking for something to write in your card, these funny Valentine’s Day quotes will do the trick.

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Send Noods CardVia Papier.com

Send noods

Tinder dates may ask for nudes, but your one true love knows what you really want: noodles. Lots of noodles. After all, the way to anyone’s heart is through great cuisine. Follow dinner with some Valentine’s chocolates, and you’re golden.

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Things Rick Astley Will Never Do CardVia RaincityPrints/Etsy.com

Never gonna give you up

Prepare to be Rick-rolled in real life with the lyrics from Rick Astley’s famous-song-turned-Internet-meme. For more laughs, check out these Valentine’s Day memes.

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They Will Never Find Your Body CardVia Walmart.com

They will never find your body…

Share your love of true crime with the love of your life by gifting this ominous card. But maybe add words of reassurance inside. Did you know about the dark history of Valentine’s Day?

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Super Sexy Valentines CardVia Papersource.com

Super sexy Valentines

Ladies know what makes a man truly sexy: his willingness to do housework. Nothing beats a guy who puts his dirty laundry in the hamper and tidies up after eating. Go all in with the humor by writing a few romantic jokes inside.

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Things That Take My Breath Away CardVia TopHatAndMonocle/Etsy.com

You and like 6 seconds on the treadmill

True companions won’t care if you’re winded after a few minutes of exercise. They’ll carry you.

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It Turns Out I Like You More Than Originally Expected CardVia palmettopaperco/Etsy.com

It turns out I like you more than originally expected

Sometimes love appears in the most unexpected ways! Case in point: These couples who share the funny and unexpected ways they fell in love.

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Youre The Cats Pyjamas CardVia SteakandEggsPlease/Etsy.com

You’re the cat’s pyjamas

This saying is pretty weird when you think about it—until you see a cat wearing pajamas. Adorable! Pajamas make pretty great Valentine’s Day gifts, too.

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Im Horny Youre Always Horny CardVia Central23.co

Scratch to reveal your extra-special present

This seemingly innocent card has a scratch-off heart that will reveal a slightly naughty surprise. Spoiler alert: This funny Valentine’s card is NSFK—not suitable for kids. Do you know these surprising stats about love, sex, and marriage?

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Horny For You CardVia DeadGoodDoodles/Etsy.com

Horny for you

Get your mind out of the gutter! We’re talking about a narwhal here. The cute illustration and double entendre make this a funny Valentine’s card your special someone will appreciate.

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I Promise To Always Be By Your Side CardVia Amazon.com

I promise to always be by your side

And maybe some other places too. Like on top of you. Funny Valentine’s cards like this one are always appreciated, but be sure to write something heartfelt inside. Drawing a blank? Pencil in one of these relationship quotes.

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I Definitely Could Not Have Tolerated Me For This Long CardVia TheModernWit/Etsy.com

I definitely could not have tolerated me for this long

Couples who have been together for a long time will relate to this cheeky yet honest sentiment.

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I Love You This Much CardVia Amazon.com

I love you this much

It’s a lot, but considering the arm span of a T-Rex, it’s not too much. Play it cool with this dino card, or go big with a bear hug full of love. Or try one of these creative ways to say “I love you.”

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I Would Have Made Room for You CardVia TheCardBureau/Etsy.com

I would have made room for you

Titanic may be one of the most romantic movies of all time, but you know what’s less than swoonworthy? Jack’s unnecessary death. Let your beau know you would have shared your scrap of ship.

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Youll Do CardVia SteakandEggsPlease/Etsy.com

You’ll do

Cats are masters of showing their love and disdain all at the same time.

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Theres No One Else Id Rather Face The Apocalypse With CardVia RocketBunnyStuff/Etsy.com

There’s no one else I’d rather face the apocalypse with

When it feels like the world is on the brink, pick a card that brings the romance with dark humor. This one works just as well for platonic soul mates as it does for significant others. Pair it with Valentine’s Day gifts for friends.

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I Love You More Than Bacon CardVia RainCityCrafter/Etsy.com

I love you more than bacon

Not much is better than bacon … except perhaps the true, undying love of your person.

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Were Weird Together But It Works CardVia ShawnaSmythStudio/Etsy.com

We’re weird together, but it works

There’s a lid for every pot! Celebrate your quirky, one-of-a-kind love with this cute card. Gift it with some Valentine’s Day roses—or whichever plant your favorite weirdo loves most.

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I Cannot Mask My Love For You CardVia ABeautifulHelloShop/Etsy.com

I cannot mask my love for you

You know someone really loves you when they let you see them without their mask.

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I Will Always Pick You CardVia SleazyGreetings/Etsy.com

I will always pick you

You can pick your significant other, and you can pick your nose. But you can’t pick your significant other’s nose. (Though we suggest avoiding all nose-picking, at least in public.)

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Types Of Galentines CardVia TheTownSerif/Etsy.com

Types of Galentines

We all love a good Valentine’s Day date. The only thing better? A Galentine’s Day celebration with friends.

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You Are My Precious CardVia Amazon.com

You are my precious

Your special Lord of the Rings fan will laugh at this card—and maybe back away slowly.

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Youre My Boo CardVia ChartreuseOnTheLoose/Etsy.com

You’re my boo

Want your love to last through this life and beyond the grave? Heed this marriage advice from people who’ve been married more than 50 years.

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I Am Yours No Refunds CardVia SweetWhispersStudio/Etsy.com

I am yours—no refunds

Give a silly nod to your lasting bond with this card that screams “No take backs!”

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There Is Nobody Else Id Rather Lie In Bed And Look At My Phone Next To CardVia Emandfriends.com

There’s nobody else I’d rather lie in bed and look at my phone next to

Buy this one for the lover who knows social media scrolling is an important part of the bedtime routine. Tonight, though, paint on some Valentine’s Day nails, slip on something sexy (or at least not sweats), and celebrate the holiday before you get back in bed.

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Life Without You Would Be Purhell CardVia LemonFaceCreations/Etsy.com

Love without you would be…

Your loved one is just as essential as hand sanitizer these days!

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Webster Dictionary In The Streets Urban Dictionary In The Sheets CardVia Papersource.com

Webster’s Dictionary vs. Urban Dictionary

Let’s just say you want a Merriam-Webster in the streets and an Urban Dictionary between the sheets. This is certainly one of those adults-only Valentine’s Day cards. For the under-aged, go with one of these Valentine’s gifts for kids.

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There Is No One I Would Rather Raise A Dog With CardVia TheModernWit/Etsy.com

There is no one I would rather raise a dog with

Parents of fur babies will get a kick out of this funny Valentine’s card. It’s high praise, considering how protective pet parents are of their pups.

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Of All The Weirdos On The Internet You Were My Favorite CardVia OhDarlingPaperCo/Etsy.com

Of all the weirdos on the Internet, you were my favourite

Anyone who has tried dating apps knows they’re less Valentine’s Cupid and more game of chance. But true love does happen. Get this one for the online date that turned into forever.

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Dumpster Fire Valentines Day CardVia TheRitzyRose/Etsy.com

I hope your love life is doing a little better than mine

Get this one for your single gal pals to commiserate over how not-great your love life is right now. Then remember all of the other ways your life is rich and full. (Yes, even sans romance.) There are plenty of things you can do for fun if you’re single on Valentine’s Day.

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You Leave Me Breathless Valentines CardVia PenOnYourFace/Etsy.com

You leave me breathless

You take my breath away. Now hand me my inhaler. Seriously. Buying roses to go with this card? Don’t choose the wrong color! Find out what the various rose colors mean before you buy.

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If we can Get Through Quarantine Valentines Card Via 13Tumbleweeds/Etsy.com

If we can get through quarantine…

Ah, love in the time of COVID-19! But you know what they say: The couple that quarantines together says together.

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Valentines Gay Valentines CardVia Lookhuman.com

Valentine’s gay

Say it loud and proud with LGBTQ+ Valentine’s cards. And amp up your romantic celebration with love songs that put your feelings into words.

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Youre My Favorite Human Bean Valentines CardVia MoonBeanDesign/Etsy.com

You’re my favourite human bean

Everyone needs their person. Use these tips for finding your favorite human.

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Ok I Admit It I Like You Valentines CardVia LouiePrints/Etsy.com

Okay, I admit it…

Maybe you’re not at the “I love you” stage yet, but you can still show your affection with this funny Valentine’s card.

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Will You Be My Valentine Valentines CardVia Pricklycards/Etsy.com

Will you be my Valentine?

Trick question! You don’t actually have a choice because you’re married!

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Here Is The Cheesiest Valentines Day Card I Coulf Find Valentines Cardvia PaperVioletDesigns/Etsy.com

Here is the cheesiest Valentine’s Day card I could find

People love cheese. Cheese is delicious. And this cheesy card is the perfect cheesy pun for your love. For more romance-inspired laughs, browse these love memes.

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Charlotte Hilton Andersen
Charlotte Hilton Andersen, BS, MS, has been covering health, fitness, parenting, and culture for many major outlets, both in print and online, for 15 years. She's the author of two books, co-host of the Self Help Obsession podcast, and also does freelance editing and ghostwriting. She has appeared in television news segments for CBS, FOX, and NBC.