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50 Funniest Valentine’s Day Cards We’re Buying This Year

These funny Valentine's cards offer a lot of heart and even more humor

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Valenttines Day Cards Opener UpdatedRD.com, via merchant (4)

My funny valentine

Love is a song. Love is a battlefield. Love is pain. Love is blind. Love is an open door. Love is … a lot of things. But the best kind of love is the kind that makes you laugh so hard you snort—and then remember why you fell in love with this hilarious person in the first place. So this Feb. 14 (aka Valentine’s Day) bring on the funny cards to send out Valentine’s Day messages.

While crafty lovebirds might make homemade Valentine’s cards and last-minute types may opt for printable Valentine’s Day cards, those who appreciate a little humor with their Valentine’s Day celebration know that nothing says “I love you” quite like a funny Valentine’s card. As you browse Valentine’s Day ideas and stock up on Valentine’s Day gifts and Valentine’s Day flowers for your sweetheart, don’t forget to throw in one of these laugh-out-loud funny Valentine’s cards.

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I Lava You Cardvia merchant

I lava you

This cute pop-up card by Lovepop gets punny with a pair of adorable volcanoes to share the fire in your heart (in the safest way possible). Use these love quotes for inspiration when you’re thinking about what to write.

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Hug Me And Never Lego Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Never LEGO

This is one of those funny Valentine’s cards that’s so cheesy, but also romantic, so you can’t help but smile while reading it. Write what you love most about your significant other, and remember: You should be complimenting your spouse daily.

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Youre The Only One I Answer The Phone For Cardvia merchant

You’re the only one I answer the phone for

Why talk when you can text? That’s how some people feel, but there are those few special folks you would never send straight to voicemail. Show them how much their call means with this funny card. Another way to show your love? Take your sweetheart to dinner at the best romantic restaurant in your state.

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If We Were Monkeys Id Pick The Bugs Off Your Fur Cardvia merchant

If we were monkeys, I’d pick the bugs off your fur

Because nothing says love like giving your special someone a card about delousing each other—but only those truly devoted will also eat the bugs. Ew! On second thought, skip the grooming and purchase one of the best Valentine’s gifts for her instead.

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Still Not Sick Of You Yet Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Still not sick of you yet

This card is perfect for people who want to say “I love you” without getting all mushy. If that’s not you, consider adding a lovey-dovey note inside. After all, good communication improves relationships.

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Baby Yoda One For Me Cardvia merchant

Baby, Yoda one for me

Baby Yoda is everywhere these days, and you can capitalize on his cuteness by sharing this card with your favorite cutie. Forgot a gift to go with your card? You’re in luck. We’ve rounded up some last-minute Valentine’s Day gifts your special someone will adore.

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Love You Love You Smore Cardvia merchant

Love you. Love you s’more.

Nothing goes together better than graham crackers, chocolate and marshmallows—except you and your true love! Not great with words? Write one of these love poems inside the card.

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Theres No One Else Id Rather Steal The Bed Covers From Cardvia merchant

There’s no one else I’d rather steal the bed covers from

Settle the never-ending war of the covers (or reach a steamy truce) with this card. Even better: Surprise your sweetheart with one of these romantic weekend getaways.

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You Make My Arms Sweaty Knees Weak Palms Spaghetti Cardvia merchant

You make my arms sweaty, knees weak, palms spaghetti

This Eminem card uses the lyrics from his most famous song to share feelings those words were never meant to express. Not sure what to write inside? Steal one of these candy heart sayings.

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You Are My Favourite Husband Cardvia merchant

You are my favourite husband

Why, thank y— wait, what? Share the fire of your love while sparking a little flame of doubt with this card. Once you’ve set the record straight, hand over one of the best Valentine’s Day gifts for him.

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Youre My Happy Pill Cardvia merchant

You’re my happy pill

Better loving through chemistry? This cheeky card celebrates love in the time of antidepressants.

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I Cant Disguise My Love For You Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Can’t disguise my love for you

With Dwight Schrute of The Office, there’s typically no flowery language, no complicated emotions and no wasted words—but you simply can’t disguise your love with this card. Not sure how to spend Feb. 14 this year? Pick your Valentine’s Day celebration based on your zodiac sign.

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Still Love You Cardvia merchant

Still love you

Living together ain’t easy, especially if one of you—we won’t name names!—can’t be bothered to refill the toilet paper. But as this card shows, love truly conquers all … even bad bathroom habits. Hammer home your enduring love with one of these inexpensive Valentine’s gifts.

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I Cant Imagine A More Beautiful Thing Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Can’t imagine a more beautiful thing

Give your special someone the Valentine’s Day gift that keeps on giving: a card that highlights the adorable humor of Corn Kid, one of the best memes in recent memory. If you’re looking for something to write in your card, these funny Valentine’s Day quotes will do the trick.

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Send Noods Cardvia merchant

Send noods

Tinder dates may ask for nudes (as this card pokes fun at), but your one true love knows what you really want: noodles. Lots of noodles. After all, the way to anyone’s heart is through great cuisine. Follow dinner with some Valentine’s chocolates and you’re golden.

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Things Rick Astley Will Never Do Cardvia merchant

Never gonna give you up

Prepare to be Rick-rolled via card with the lyrics from Rick Astley’s famous song turned internet meme. For more laughs, check out these Valentine’s Day memes.

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They Will Never Find Your Body Cardvia merchant

They will never find your body …

Share your love of true crime with the love of your life by gifting this ominous card. But maybe add words of reassurance inside.

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Super Sexy Valentines Cardvia merchant

Super sexy valentines

Ladies know what makes a man truly sexy: his willingness to do housework. As this card shows, nothing beats a guy who puts his dirty laundry in the hamper and tidies up after eating. Go all in with the humor by writing a few romantic jokes inside.

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Things That Take My Breath Away Cardvia merchant

You and like 6 seconds on the treadmill

True companions won’t care if you’re winded after a few minutes of exercise. They’ll carry you. Snag this funny card to make your special someone chuckle!

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The Best Decision You Ever Made Valentines Day Cardvia Merchant

The best decision you ever made

This card reminds your special someone (in a cheeky and hilarious way) that they fell in love with … well, someone special!

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Jean Ralphio valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Life without you

Fans of Parks and Recreation will adore this funny Jean Ralphio card. You can even give someone this card to celebrate Galentine’s Day—one of Leslie Knope’s favorite holidays.

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I Chews You Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

I chews you

What an honor! Give this chuckle-worthy card to that special love who adores pups just as much as you do.

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Horny For You Cardvia merchant

Horny for you

Get your mind out of the gutter! We’re talking about a narwhal here. The cute illustration and double entendre make this a funny Valentine’s card your special someone will appreciate.

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I Promise To Always Be By Your Side Cardvia merchant

I promise to always be by your side

And maybe some other places too. Like on top of you. Funny Valentine’s cards like this one are always appreciated, but be sure to write something heartfelt inside. Drawing a blank? Pencil in one of these relationship quotes.

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Hot Stuff Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Hot stuff!

Now this is a Valentine’s Day card that gets right to the point—telling your love they’re hot stuff. What’s not to like? Write a Valentine’s Day pickup line in this one for bonus flirty points.

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You Make Me Melt Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

A truly cheesy card

When it comes to funny Valentine’s cards, the cheesier, the better—and this one really takes the cake (or should we say grilled cheese?).

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I Would Have Made Room for You Cardvia merchant

I would have made room for you

Titanic may be one of the most romantic movies of all time, but you know what’s less than swoonworthy? Jack’s unnecessary death. Let your beau know you would have shared your scrap of ship with this card.

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Olive U Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Olive “u”

Get it? This card is equally cute and punny!

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Theres No One Else Id Rather Face The Apocalypse With Cardvia merchant

There’s no one else I’d rather face the apocalypse with

When it feels like the world is on the brink, pick a card that brings the romance with dark humor. This one works just as well for platonic soul mates as it does for significant others. Pair it with Valentine’s Day gifts for friends.

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Charming Akwardness Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Charming awkwardness

You don’t have to be the smoothest person in the room to woo that special someone. Give this card to the person who thinks your awkward charm is delightful.

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Terrible Poem Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Terrible at poems

Alright, you may not be Lord Byron … but you can still make your valentine giggle with this funny card. Gift it with some Valentine’s Day roses—or whichever plant your favorite person loves most.

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Id Shave My Legs For You Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

I’d shave my legs for you

Give this card to the person you’d go the extra mile for.

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I Will Always Pick You Cardvia merchant

I will always pick you

You can pick your significant other, and you can pick your nose. But you can’t pick your significant other’s nose. (Though we suggest avoiding all nose picking, at least in public.) Give this card to the person you’d always pick.

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Really Long One Night Stand Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

A long one night stand

Hey, love’s gotta start somewhere! Give this card to your boo for some genuine Valentine’s Day laughs.

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You Are My Precious Cardvia merchant

You are my precious

Your special Lord of the Rings fan will laugh at this card—and maybe back away slowly.

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Youre My Boo Cardvia merchant

You’re my boo

Now this card is perfect for your spooky sweetheart. Want your love to last through this life and beyond the grave? Heed this marriage advice from people who’ve been married more than 50 years.

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Glad We Matched Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

Glad we matched

Give this punny and sentimental card to the sweetheart you matched with on a dating app. That was one lucky swipe, huh?

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There Is Nobody Else Id Rather Lie In Bed And Look At My Phone Next To Cardvia merchant

There’s nobody else I’d rather lie in bed and look at my phone next to

Buy this one for the lover who knows social media scrolling is an important part of the bedtime routine. Tonight, though, paint on some Valentine’s Day nails, slip on something sexy (or at least not sweats) and celebrate the holiday before you get back in bed.

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You Dont Succ Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

You don’t succ

Have a devoted plant parent for a partner? Snag them this cheeky plant-themed card that humorously honors them and their succulents.

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Webster Dictionary In The Streets Urban Dictionary In The Sheets Cardvia merchant

Webster’s Dictionary vs. Urban Dictionary

Let’s just say you want a Merriam-Webster in the streets and an Urban Dictionary in the sheets. This one is certainly an adults-only Valentine’s Day card.

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Youre Doing It Wrong Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

You’re doing it wrong

Hey, at least they tried, right? Give this card to the person you love—even if they don’t load the dishwasher right.

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Of All The Weirdos On The Internet You Were My Favorite Cardvia merchant

Of all the weirdos on the internet, you were my favourite

Anyone who has tried dating apps knows they’re less Valentine’s cupid and more game of chance. But true love does happen. Get this one for the online date that turned into forever.

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Dumpster Fire Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

I hope your love life is doing a little better than mine

Get this one for your single gal pals to commiserate over how not-great your love life is right now. Then remember all the other ways your life is rich and full. (Yes, even sans romance.) There are plenty of things you can do for fun if you’re single on Valentine’s Day.

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You Leave Me Breathless Valentines Cardvia merchant

You leave me breathless

Give this card to your valentine to say something along the lines of “You take my breath away. Now hand me my inhaler. Seriously.” Buying roses to go with this card? Don’t choose the wrong color! Find out what the various rose colors mean before you buy.

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Nobody Else Id Rather Spoon With Valentines Day Cardvia merchant

No one else I’d rather spoon with

This card is perfect for the special someone who’s the big spoon to your little spoon.

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Valentines Gay Valentines Cardvia merchant

Valentine’s gay

Say it loud and proud with an LGBTQ+ Valentine’s card, like this one. And amp up your romantic celebration with love songs that put your feelings into words.

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Youre My Favorite Human Bean Valentines Cardvia merchant

You’re my favourite human bean

Everyone needs their person—give yours this cute and sentimental card.

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Ok I Admit It I Like You Valentines Cardvia merchant

OK, I admit it …

Maybe you’re not at the “I love you” stage yet, but you can still show your affection with this funny Valentine’s card.

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Will You Be My Valentine Valentines Cardvia merchant

Will you be my valentine?

Trick question! You don’t actually have a choice, because you’re married! This card is sure to make your spouse giggle.

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Here Is The Cheesiest Valentines Day Card I Coulf Find Valentines Cardvia merchant

Here is the cheesiest Valentine’s Day card I could find

People love cheese. Cheese is delicious. And this cheesy card is the perfect cheesy pun for your love. For more romance-inspired laughs, browse these love memes that will make perfect additions to these funny Valentine’s cards.

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Additional reporting by Kelly Kuehn. 

Charlotte Hilton Andersen
Charlotte Hilton Andersen, BS, MS, has been covering health, fitness, parenting, and culture for many major outlets, both in print and online, for 15 years. She's the author of two books, co-host of the Self Help Obsession podcast, and also does freelance editing and ghostwriting. She has appeared in television news segments for CBS, FOX, and NBC.