50 Funniest Valentine’s Day Cards We’re Buying This Year
These funny Valentine's cards offer a lot of heart and even more humor
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My funny valentine
Love is a song. Love is a battlefield. Love is pain. Love is blind. Love is an open door. Love is … a lot of things. But the best kind of love is the kind that makes you laugh so hard you snort—and then remember why you fell in love with this hilarious person in the first place. So this Feb. 14 (aka Valentine’s Day) bring on the funny cards to send out Valentine’s Day messages.
While crafty lovebirds might make homemade Valentine’s cards and last-minute types may opt for printable Valentine’s Day cards, those who appreciate a little humor with their Valentine’s Day celebration know that nothing says “I love you” quite like a funny Valentine’s card. As you browse Valentine’s Day ideas and stock up on Valentine’s Day gifts and Valentine’s Day flowers for your sweetheart, don’t forget to throw in one of these laugh-out-loud funny Valentine’s cards.
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This is one of those funny Valentine’s cards that’s so cheesy, but also romantic, so you can’t help but smile while reading it. Write what you love most about your significant other, and remember: You should be complimenting your spouse daily.
You’re the only one I answer the phone for
Why talk when you can text? That’s how some people feel, but there are those few special folks you would never send straight to voicemail. Show them how much their call means with this funny card. Another way to show your love? Take your sweetheart to dinner at the best romantic restaurant in your state.
If we were monkeys, I’d pick the bugs off your fur
Because nothing says love like giving your special someone a card about delousing each other—but only those truly devoted will also eat the bugs. Ew! On second thought, skip the grooming and purchase one of the best Valentine’s gifts for her instead.
Still not sick of you yet
This card is perfect for people who want to say “I love you” without getting all mushy. If that’s not you, consider adding a lovey-dovey note inside. After all, good communication improves relationships.
Baby, Yoda one for me
Baby Yoda is everywhere these days, and you can capitalize on his cuteness by sharing this card with your favorite cutie. Forgot a gift to go with your card? You’re in luck. We’ve rounded up some last-minute Valentine’s Day gifts your special someone will adore.
There’s no one else I’d rather steal the bed covers from
You make my arms sweaty, knees weak, palms spaghetti
You’re my happy pill
Better loving through chemistry? This cheeky card celebrates love in the time of antidepressants.
Can’t disguise my love for you
With Dwight Schrute of The Office, there’s typically no flowery language, no complicated emotions and no wasted words—but you simply can’t disguise your love with this card. Not sure how to spend Feb. 14 this year? Pick your Valentine’s Day celebration based on your zodiac sign.
Still love you
Living together ain’t easy, especially if one of you—we won’t name names!—can’t be bothered to refill the toilet paper. But as this card shows, love truly conquers all … even bad bathroom habits. Hammer home your enduring love with one of these inexpensive Valentine’s gifts.
Can’t imagine a more beautiful thing
Give your special someone the Valentine’s Day gift that keeps on giving: a card that highlights the adorable humor of Corn Kid, one of the best memes in recent memory. If you’re looking for something to write in your card, these funny Valentine’s Day quotes will do the trick.
Tinder dates may ask for nudes (as this card pokes fun at), but your one true love knows what you really want: noodles. Lots of noodles. After all, the way to anyone’s heart is through great cuisine. Follow dinner with some Valentine’s chocolates and you’re golden.
They will never find your body …
Super sexy valentines
Ladies know what makes a man truly sexy: his willingness to do housework. As this card shows, nothing beats a guy who puts his dirty laundry in the hamper and tidies up after eating. Go all in with the humor by writing a few romantic jokes inside.
You and like 6 seconds on the treadmill
True companions won’t care if you’re winded after a few minutes of exercise. They’ll carry you. Snag this funny card to make your special someone chuckle!
The best decision you ever made
Life without you
I chews you
What an honor! Give this chuckle-worthy card to that special love who adores pups just as much as you do.
Horny for you
Get your mind out of the gutter! We’re talking about a narwhal here. The cute illustration and double entendre make this a funny Valentine’s card your special someone will appreciate.
I promise to always be by your side
And maybe some other places too. Like on top of you. Funny Valentine’s cards like this one are always appreciated, but be sure to write something heartfelt inside. Drawing a blank? Pencil in one of these relationship quotes.
Now this is a Valentine’s Day card that gets right to the point—telling your love they’re hot stuff. What’s not to like? Write a Valentine’s Day pickup line in this one for bonus flirty points.
A truly cheesy card
When it comes to funny Valentine’s cards, the cheesier, the better—and this one really takes the cake (or should we say grilled cheese?).
I would have made room for you
Titanic may be one of the most romantic movies of all time, but you know what’s less than swoonworthy? Jack’s unnecessary death. Let your beau know you would have shared your scrap of ship with this card.
Get it? This card is equally cute and punny!
There’s no one else I’d rather face the apocalypse with
When it feels like the world is on the brink, pick a card that brings the romance with dark humor. This one works just as well for platonic soul mates as it does for significant others. Pair it with Valentine’s Day gifts for friends.
You don’t have to be the smoothest person in the room to woo that special someone. Give this card to the person who thinks your awkward charm is delightful.
I’d shave my legs for you
Give this card to the person you’d go the extra mile for.
I will always pick you
You can pick your significant other, and you can pick your nose. But you can’t pick your significant other’s nose. (Though we suggest avoiding all nose picking, at least in public.) Give this card to the person you’d always pick.
A long one night stand
Hey, love’s gotta start somewhere! Give this card to your boo for some genuine Valentine’s Day laughs.
You are my precious
Your special Lord of the Rings fan will laugh at this card—and maybe back away slowly.
You’re my boo
Glad we matched
Give this punny and sentimental card to the sweetheart you matched with on a dating app. That was one lucky swipe, huh?
There’s nobody else I’d rather lie in bed and look at my phone next to
Buy this one for the lover who knows social media scrolling is an important part of the bedtime routine. Tonight, though, paint on some Valentine’s Day nails, slip on something sexy (or at least not sweats) and celebrate the holiday before you get back in bed.
You don’t succ
Webster’s Dictionary vs. Urban Dictionary
Let’s just say you want a Merriam-Webster in the streets and an Urban Dictionary in the sheets. This one is certainly an adults-only Valentine’s Day card.
You’re doing it wrong
Of all the weirdos on the internet, you were my favourite
I hope your love life is doing a little better than mine
Get this one for your single gal pals to commiserate over how not-great your love life is right now. Then remember all the other ways your life is rich and full. (Yes, even sans romance.) There are plenty of things you can do for fun if you’re single on Valentine’s Day.
You leave me breathless
Give this card to your valentine to say something along the lines of “You take my breath away. Now hand me my inhaler. Seriously.” Buying roses to go with this card? Don’t choose the wrong color! Find out what the various rose colors mean before you buy.
No one else I’d rather spoon with
This card is perfect for the special someone who’s the big spoon to your little spoon.
You’re my favourite human bean
Everyone needs their person—give yours this cute and sentimental card.
OK, I admit it …
Maybe you’re not at the “I love you” stage yet, but you can still show your affection with this funny Valentine’s card.
Will you be my valentine?
Trick question! You don’t actually have a choice, because you’re married! This card is sure to make your spouse giggle.
Here is the cheesiest Valentine’s Day card I could find
People love cheese. Cheese is delicious. And this cheesy card is the perfect cheesy pun for your love. For more romance-inspired laughs, browse these love memes that will make perfect additions to these funny Valentine’s cards.
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Additional reporting by Kelly Kuehn.