30 Witty Bar Jokes Anyone Can Remember
Break out these short, sweet bar jokes to turn any time into happy hour
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Classic bar jokes
A man walks into a bar…or was it two men? Maybe it was a woman. However you want to tell it, there’s nothing like a bar joke to instantly liven up the room. We’ve rounded up the best of the best funny jokes to keep the banter and laughter flowing. You’ll definitely want to add these to your repertoire, along with these clever jokes, short jokes, dad jokes, and bad jokes. You’ll be the group comedian in no time.
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
Don’t worry, we have more grammar jokes that all the word nerds will appreciate.
The NSA Walks into a bar.
“Hey, I’ve got a great new joke for you!” the barman says.
The NSA smiles. “Heard it.”
Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out!” shouts the barman. “We don’t serve your type here!”
A neutron walks into a bar.
“How much for a beer?” the neutron asks.
“For you?” says the bartender. “No charge.”
A screwdriver rolls into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The screwdriver squeals, “You have a drink named Philip??”
If this wasn’t cheesy enough for you, we have plenty of corny jokes up our sleeve.
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first says, “I’ll have a beer.”
The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.”
The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.”
Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. “Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”
If you’re not a big beer fan, maybe try sharing some of these wine puns.
A panda walks into a bar.
He gobbles some beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it in the air, and heads for the door.
“Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!”
Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
This cowboy walks into a bar.
His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.
In addition to these bar jokes, these drinking quotes will make you spit your drink out.
A man runs into a bar.
“Why you drinking so fast?” asks the barkeep.
“You’d drink fast too if you had what I have,” says the man.
“Why, what do you have?” asks the barkeep.
“Only twelve cents.”
A panda, a cowboy, a man with a cat on his shoulder, and a time traveler walk into a bar.
“What is this,” the bartender yells, “some kind of joke??”
Two guys walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.
How could we share bar jokes without including an anti-joke in the mix?
A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm.
He asks for one beer, and one for the road.
You may also want to try out some of these wine quotes that will uncork all the laughs.
A guy walks into a bar and asks for fruit punch.
The bartender says “Sure. Just get in line.”
The guy looks over and gets confused ’cause there’s no punchline.
A corn stalk walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Want to hear a joke?”
The corn stalk replies, “I’m all ears!”
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.”
He doesn’t react.
Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
You can’t tell me that was just a coincidence, man.