Share on Facebook

A Trusted Friend in a Complicated World

23 Funny ‘Harry Potter’ Jokes and Puns Every Muggle Should Know

How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron? These Harry Potter Jokes and Puns are perfect for every Harry Potter fanatic, wizards and Muggles alike.

1 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsPedroRamosPhoto/Shutterstock

Chapter One: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Groan

Professor Quirrell walks into a bar, unwraps his turban, and presents the Dark Lord’s face to the barman. The Dark Lord orders a beer.

“Sorry, can’t serve you,” the barman says. “You’re already out of your head.”

2 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsVikitora/Shutterstock

Q. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

A. Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him. Magical wands may not exist in real life, but there were some “magical” things in Harry Potter that are real.

3 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsArthurStock/Shutterstock

Q. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?

A. Because he only has followers, not friends. Check out some more silly jokes about computers and technology.

4 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsDavidTB/Shutterstock

Q. What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?

A. Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

5 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsacidmit/Shutterstock

Q. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?

A. Up his sleeve-y! The biggest bookworm fans of these Harry Potter jokes will also appreciate these grammar jokes for unashamed word nerds.

6 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsHelenabdullah/Shutterstock

Q. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?

A. Because he can’t control his pupils.

7 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsRUKSUTAKARN studio/Shutterstock

Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?

You know.

You know who?

Exactly. AVADA KEDAVRA! Check out some more of our favorite knock-knock jokes.

8 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punstomertu/Shutterstock

Chapter Two: Harry Potter and the Pub-Joke Prince

The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.”

Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner. Here are some more funny bar jokes anyone can remember.

9 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsKiryl Lis/Shutterstock

A wizard walks into a pub…

…and orders a Forgetfulness Potion. He turns to the witch next to him and says, “So, do I come here often?” Potions can also symbolize other things, which you can find in the hidden messages in Harry Potter.

10 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsJRP Studio/Shutterstock

Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub…

The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.”

The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

11 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsOndrej Prosicky/Shutterstock

A Muggle walks into the Hog’s Head Inn…

…with a frog on his shoulder. The barkeep says, “That’s pretty cool, where’d you get it?”

“London,” the frog croaks. “They’ve got millions of ‘em!”

12 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punspemastockpic/Shutterstock

Q. What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?

A. A mechanic.

13 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsZoltan Major/Shutterstock

Q. Why does Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?

A. So you’ll never know which side he’s on. Do you know the hidden meaning of Snape’s first words to Harry?

14 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsmikeledray/Shutterstock

Chapter Three: Harry Potter and the Puns That Were Too Bad to List at the Top of This Page

Madam Hooch walks into a pub. The barkeep says, “Hey, we have booze named after you!”

Hooch beams. “You have a drink named Rolanda?”

15 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsAndrei Mayatnik/Shutterstock

Q. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?

A. They’re both cauld ron. Ron Weasely fans will double over laughing over this Harry Potter pun.

16 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsReflectedLight/Shutterstock

Q. Which side of a centaur has more hair?

A. The outside.

17 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsDmytro Zinkevych/Shutterstock

Q. Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?

A. Because she gives him hugs and hisses. Fans of these punny Harry Potter jokes will love these corny jokes to give everyone a laugh.

18 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsPongsatorn Singnoy/Shutterstock

Q. Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?

A. Because he has a Longbottom.

19 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsjmcmusicinc/Shutterstock

Q. Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice?

A. Because he’s a double-crosser.

20 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punstheptawat tantipwan/Shutterstock

Q. What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?

A. Broom-mates. Dorm rooms and college classes are even more fun in the college that uses Harry Potter to teach philosophy.

21 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punswernerimages 2018/Shutterstock

Q. How do you get a mythical creature into your house?

A. Through the Gryffindor. This Harry Potter pun will make any Slytherin smile.

22 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsArsenie Krasnevsky/Shutterstock

Q. How do the Malfoys enter a building?

A. They Slytherin. Fans of Draco will appreciate this clever harry potter pun.

23 / 23
harry potter jokes, riddles, punsMaya Kruchankova/Shutterstock

Epilogue: Harry Potter and an Important Reminder…

Wizards who drink Polyjuice Potion are people two. Next, keep on laughing with more corny jokes or these funny science jokes.

Reader's Digest
Originally Published in Reader's Digest