A Trusted Friend in a Complicated World

30 Best Comebacks and Good Roasts for Any Situation

Ever thought of the perfect comeback... after the fact? Here are all the best comebacks for your sassy and savage future moments.

1 / 30
good comeback you problem
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

It’s not me, it’s you.

“That sounds like a you problem.” This is one of those good comebacks for when your kids are making their lack of planning your emergency. Parenting is full of humor, as these stories can attest!

2 / 30
you'll go far
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

Oh, the places you’ll go!

“Someday you’ll go far—and I really hope you stay there.”

3 / 30
good comeback beauty skin deep
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

This one cuts deep

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.” This one comes from Dorothy Parker who was the queen of good comebacks.

4 / 30
that must suck
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

Love thy neighbor

“Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck.” Funny comebacks don’t always fit into not-so-funny situations.

5 / 30
good comeback been called worse
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

A political twist

“I’ve been called worse things by better men.” Pierre Trudeau, a Canadian politician, upon hearing Richard Nixon insulted him.

6 / 30
good comeback I'm sorry
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

Combat an interrupter

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?” This is one of those good comebacks for the person constantly interrupting you.

7 / 30
good comeback bring joy
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

This one’s for the kill-joys

“You bring everyone a lot of joy…when you leave the room.” This one goes left then right then left again, salting the wound.

8 / 30
good comeback my bad
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

Oh, baby!

“Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.” This one is a little stealthy.

9 / 30
good comeback barbeque
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

B.B.Quiet, please

“Did I invite you to my barbecue? Then why are you all up in my grill?”  This is from The Clique, a popular teen series by author Lisi Harrison. Harrison ruled when it came to good comebacks in her writing.

10 / 30
good comeback acquired taste
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

Savor this spicy line

“I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.” This one is applicable to many scenarios, so you’ll want to memorize it.

11 / 30
goo comeback apology
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

Channel your inner Lorax

“Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for you. I think you owe it an apology.”

12 / 30
good comeback the jerk store
Cookie Studio/Shutterstock

Back to basics

“Well, the jerk store called and they’re running out of you.” George Constanza of Seinfeld dropped this epic line.

13 / 30
Savage comebacks
Ranta Images/Getty Images

Punching below your weight

“A gross guy at a bar blurted out ‘What ARE you?’ referring to my ethnic ambiguity,” shared one Buzzfeed contributor, “I ignored him and walked away with my friends, but what I should’ve said was ‘Out of your league.'”

14 / 30
Savage comebacks
Drbimages/Getty Images

The comeback is damning, your honor

Who could forget about the scene in Legally Blonde when Elle Woods’ loser ex-boyfriend condescendingly asks, “You got into Harvard Law?” to which Elle responds, “What, like it’s hard?”

15 / 30
Savage comebacks
Mike Harrington/Getty Images

Hang on, I need to take this

“The (fill in the blank) called. They want their (blank) back” never loses. And is adaptable to just about any jab thrown your way. Personally, we’re a fan of @generalgreviousdatingsim’s “I need to take this call just hang on a second. It’s the circus. They’re asking for you. Apparently, they have a vacancy in clownery they think you’d be suited for.” Knocks em’ dead every time.

16 / 30
Savage comebacks
Claudia Burlotti/Getty Images

Lean in, big guy

Another comeback that doesn’t miss: “Oooh, you wanna kiss me so bad.” If someone is angry—or obsessed—enough with you, the insinuation that they in fact harbor affection towards you is all it takes to tilt a power struggle back in your favor. A little reverse psychology can work wonders.

17 / 30
Savage comebacks
Ranta Images/Getty Images

Burn (or grill, or boil—microwave even)

“I heard a kid tell one of his classmates that they ‘smell like hot dog water,'” shares one Buzzfeed contributor. A devastating blow to anyone who has ever experienced hot dog water, as well as hot dogs everywhere.

18 / 30
Savage comebacks
WestEnd61/Getty Images

Sorry not sorry, as they say

“This exchange happened accidentally between me and my boyfriend the other day and it’s been legendary for us ever since: After making an honest mistake he said, ‘Sorry I’m an idiot.’ And I, wanting to reassure him but failing miserably, replied, ‘Don’t be sorry for who you are!'” shares another Buzzfeed contributor. Given the frequency of mock-sorrys in verbal squabbles, “don’t be sorry for who you are” is definitely one to keep in your pocket. One of the funniest one-liners on the Internet, if you ask me.

19 / 30
Savage comebacks
Drbimages/Getty Images

Be specific

From Reddit user VigorousRapscallion: “I was playing a drinking game that involves rules being made on the fly. We had a no swearing rule, and then an insult rule, which means they were G-rated insults. My friend is up and I’m the insultee and, without hesitation, she says, ‘Your teeth aren’t as white as they could be!’ I was flabbergasted. The complete lack of hesitation combined with the specificity of the insult was devastating.”

20 / 30
Savage comebacks
Flashpop/Getty Images

Two thumbs down

“I accidentally cut someone off the other day and instead of flipping me off the guy gave me a big thumbs down out the window, and that hit harder,” shares Reddit user C0L0RBLINDz. Remember, thumbs are human beings’ greatest tools for a reason—use them.

21 / 30
Savage comebacks
Luis Alvarez/Getty Images

When life gives you strawberry lemons…

This one might not be so universal, but whew, does Buzzfeed contributor hollisl4d528cac4 have one that’ll stick in your mind. “One day in middle school my friends and I were all coincidentally wearing either pink or yellow shirts. We got into a fight with a random girl at the park, and when we were walking away she screamed after us, ‘What are you gonna do, strawberry lemonade?’”

22 / 30
Savage comebacks
Max Kegfire/Getty Images

Play silly games, win silly prizes

“My boss asked, ‘Can I ask a stupid question?’ My reply? ‘Better than anybody here.’ Luckily, my boss had a sense of humor,” shares one Buzzfeed contributor. Tread carefully with this one, friends!

23 / 30
Savage comebacks
PeopleImages/Getty Images

Let me draw you a picture

“I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you” is another great one to keep in your pocket when someone is being willfully ignorant. Talk about a double whammy!

24 / 30
Savage comebacks
Digital Images/Getty Images

Who now?

Take a page from Don Draper’s book. In an episode of Mad Men, an adversarial colleague tells Don, “I feel bad for you.” To which Don cooly replies, “I don’t think about you at all.” Ouch. I guess that’s why they’re so mad.

25 / 30
Savage comebacks
Morsa Images/Getty Images


When a big-time lawyer rolls up on Erin Brockovich and blatantly challenges Brockovich’s knowledge and abilities, Julia Roberts’ character is quick to set her straight. The lawyer tries to save face with “I think we got off on the wrong foot here,” and Brockovich quickly counters with “That’s all you got lady, two wrong feet and ugly shoes.” Save it for the next time someone is rude to you and tries to cry “wrong foot.”

26 / 30
Savage comebacks
Yuttana Jaowattana/EyeEm/Getty Images

A pirate’s life

Remember when Captain Jack Sparrow, under threat of capture and arrest, takes a moment to deliver a devastating zinger? His arresting officer claims “You are without a doubt the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of.” “Ah,” replies Sparrow, “But you have heard of me.” There is no comeback like one that tosses your opponent’s words back at them!

27 / 30
Savage comebacks
Tara Moore/Getty Images

Remember what?

“I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying,” is an annihilating one-two punch. An atom bomb you can just drop and walk away from.

28 / 30
Savage comebacks
RunPhoto/Getty Images

Can’t argue with logic

“I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.” There is no greater punisher than objectivity sometimes, you know?

29 / 30
Savage comebacks
Mlenny/Getty Images

A new twist on an old jab

“Your face is fine but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.” We would disintegrate on the spot if someone said this to us. This one is even better if you have a real bag to use as a prop.

30 / 30
Savage comebacks
Watsamon Tri-yasakda/Getty Images

The nuclear route

“Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.” And then watch this person’s eyebrows bounce up in alarm. This one is total warfare—only use if peace is not an option.


  • Thought Catalog“50 Hilarious Comebacks That Will Shut Everyone Up (And Make You Look Like a Genius)”
  • Mental Floss, “25 of Dorothy Parker’s Best Quotes”
  • SomeEcards.com“Breakup Memes”
  • British Pathé“Histories Greatest Replies and Insults”
  • SomeEcards.com“Confession Memes”
  • Humoropedia.com“99+ Really Funny Comebacks, Insults, & Burns List”
  • Pinterest.com, @CrystalMarie
  • Thought Catalog, “70 Roasting Jokes to Burn Bitches when the Middle Finger Won’t Cut It”
  • Pinterest.com“19 Fiery Insults to Send to Your Worst Enemies”
  • Youtube.com“Seinfeld-The jerk store called (the comeback)”
  • Buzzfeed, “14 Hilarious Comebacks That Only Took People a Few Hours to Come Up With”
  • Youtube.com“Legally Blonde (4/11) Movie CLIP – First Day of School (2001) HD”
  • Buzzfeed, “23 Times Tumblr Had A Weird But Perfect Comeback Ready”
  • Buzzfeed, “18 Brutal but G-Rated Insults You Should Begin Using Immediately”
  • Reddit, “What is the harshest G-rated insult you’ve ever received?”
  • Buzzfeed, “18 Devastating Burns That People Have Had The Pleasure of Hearing”
  • Youtube.com, “Don Says: “I Don’t Think About You At All”
  • Youtube.com, “Two Wrong Feet in Ugly Shoes”
  • Youtube.com, “Worst pirate I’ve ever heard of”
  • ScaryMommy.com, “These Funny Comebacks And Insults Are What Our Minds Are Really Made Of”

Erin Kayata
Erin Kayata joined Reader’s Digest as an assistant staff writer in March 2019, coming from the Stamford Advocate where she covered education. Prior to this, she was part of a two-year Hearst fellowship program where she covered crime and education in suburban Connecticut. She graduated from Emerson College and spent part of her undergraduate career writing for the Boston Globe. When she’s not writing articles about useful facts and pop culture, you can find Erin enjoying the local theater scene and working toward her goal of reading 50 books a year.