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50 Political Jokes Everyone Will Agree Are Funny

No matter which side of the aisle you’re on, these hilarious political jokes will get your vote

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Political jokes that cross the aisle

These days, it’s hard to find anything funny in politics. With every political question now controversial and fodder for a fight, it can be downright stressful—and things only get worse as the midterms or presidential elections get closer. While it’s always a good idea to step away from the news and even your favorite political podcasts every now and then, you don’t need to step away from politics altogether. In fact, the best political jokes just may be what you need to relax.

Yes, you read that right. Truly funny political humor has nothing to do with party lines or offensive comments, even when the jokes are dark jokes. In fact, our favorite political jokes are simply funny jokes that will make you smile, chuckle or outright belly-laugh, no matter what side of the aisle you’re on. And hey, they just might be the one thing we can all finally agree on!

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Political jokes about Congress

  1. The opposite of “pro” is “con,” so the opposite of progress is … Congress.
  2. Q: How many congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Two—one to change the bulb and one to change it back again.

  3. The secret to making Congress more efficient is to replace all the people with horses. Sure, every vote would end in “neighs,” but hay, at least the housing market would be stable.

  4. Q: What’s the difference between death and taxes?
    A: Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.

  5. Republicans and Democrats came together in Congress to allow medicinal marijuana for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. So, there is joint support for joints for joint support.
  6. Man: Two years ago, my brother ran for Congress.
    Friend: What does he do now?
    Man: Nothing—he got elected!

  7. A robber held up a well-dressed man, pointing his gun and yelling, “Give me all your money!” The man replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m a U.S. congressman!” The robber retorted, “In that case, give me all my money!”

  8. Q: Why can’t Congress ever be vegan?
    A: Because all the turkeys playing chicken in a beef over pork is pretty fishy.

  9. Q: What did the corrupt congressman order on Election Day?
    A: Stuffed ballots.
  10. Q: What do you call a bad lawyer?
    A: Senator.

Admit it—you smiled! Here are some bad jokes you can’t help but laugh at.

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Political jokes about politicians

  1. Q: Why can’t you let a politician on a plane?
    A: Because he’ll keep trying to destroy the other wing.

  2. A priest, a politician and a clown walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”

  3. A politician running for office was asked about his policy on liquor. He answered, “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the body, ruins the mind, destroys the family and creates criminals, then I’m against it! But if you mean the beautiful drink used for a wedding toast, the foundation of a fun Friday night and the biggest source of tax revenue to fund needy orphans, then I’m for it! And I won’t change my mind, no matter what you say.”

  4. Q: How are politicians like diapers?
    A: They both need to be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

  5. Q: Why do thieves never target politicians’ homes?
    A: Professional courtesy.

  6. Q: Why isn’t the government displaying a Nativity scene this Christmas?
    A: They can’t find three wise men.

  7. Politicians can find an excuse to get out of anything … except office.

  8. I was arrested for impersonating a politician … but all I was doing was sitting in my office doing nothing!

  9. Q: What is the hardest mythical creature to find?
    A: The honest, caring politician who listens and whom everyone will vote for.

  1. A politician is a person who will lay down your life for their country.

Looking for something funny for the younger set? Stay away from politics and try these short jokes for kids instead.

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Political jokes about the presidency

  1. When a president says he stands on his record, he means that literally—to keep you from checking it.

  2. When I was a kid, my dad always told me anyone could become president. Now that I’m an adult, I believe it … and it gives me nightmares!

  3. Have you heard about McDonald’s new presidential value meal? You order whatever you want, and the person after you has to pay for it.

  4. “I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.” —Ronald Reagan

  5. Q: The president says to his friend, “My poll numbers are dropping. Do you think I should put more fire into my speeches?”
    A: “Actually,” she replies, “I think you should put more of your speeches into the fire!”

  6. If you’re not part of the solution, then you’re probably running for president.

  7. After the president’s annual physical, his doctor delivered the news: “Mr. President, the good news is that you have two sides of your brain. The bad news is that on the left side, there isn’t anything right, and on the right side, there isn’t anything left.”

  8. If Chuck Norris were president, he’d protect the Secret Service.

  9. Stop repeat criminals—don’t reelect them!

  10. Q: What’s the most unfair thing about American politics?
    A: We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America.

Some of these fascinating facts about U.S. presidents are actually pretty funny!

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Political jokes about Election Day

  1. The true winner of today’s election is NASA’s DART spacecraft as it travels away from Earth at an enviable four miles per second until it crashes blissfully into a comet.

  2. Waiting for results on election night is like waiting for your grade on a group project. I know I did my part right, but I’m worried the rest of you screwed it up.

  3. Q: What is the difference between Thanksgiving Day and Election Day?
    A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for a day, but on Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.

  1. Remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year? Now it’s Election night that’s the most terrifying.

  2. Q: On Election Day, what did Delaware?
    A: Her New Jersey.

  1. You know how they say “nobody can fix the economy, nobody can be trusted with nuclear codes, nobody’s perfect”? That’s why I’m voting for Nobody.

  2. Did you hear Starbucks is offering a specialty drink just for Election Day? It’s called the “fullacrapuccino.”

  3. The only accurate statistic on Election Day: 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their dang minds.

  4. As a Russian citizen, I am confused about why it takes America so long to get a definitive result from their election—we know our results months in advance!

  5. Q: Why are robins the best bird voters?
    A: They’re all about early voting!

Next, check out these “What do you call?” jokes.

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Political one-liners

  1. “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” —Ronald Reagan

  2. A vegan bitcoin investor who owns a Tesla, does CrossFit and refused to vote in the election walks into a bar. The real question is, what he’s going to bring up first!
  3. The National Security Administration is the only government office that actually listens to you.

  4. We don’t approve of political jokes—we’ve seen too many get elected.

  5. Fines are a tax you pay for doing something wrong. Taxes are a fine you pay for doing something right.

  6. Communism was doomed from the beginning. Did they miss all the red flags?

  7. Yo mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.

  8. The word politics comes from poly, meaning many, and ticks, meaning bloodsucking parasites.

  9. Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. Why? The government hates competition.

  10. “I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.” —Charles de Gaulle

If you love one-liners, these short jokes will be right up your alley.

Charlotte Hilton Andersen
Charlotte Hilton Andersen is a health, lifestyle and fitness expert and teacher. She covers all things wellness for Reader’s Digest and The Healthy. With dual masters degrees in information technology and education, she has been a journalist for 17 years and is the author of The Great Fitness Experiment. She lives in Denver with her husband, five kids and three pets.